Most men love to go down on women to whom they are attracted because the female vulva inspires their desire—their lust. Female genitalia are attractive to most heterosexual men.  Very few things in nature can attract and captivate a man more than a woman’s labia and clitoris.  A man’s dopamine reward system blows up inside his brain in anticipation.  And, a major part of a man’s pleasure is the experience of the woman’s pleasure.  If she really likes it, a lustful circuit is generated between them.  A woman’s turned-on breath, movement, and sound is extremely empowering and satisfying for her male partner.  Also, if the man has an ounce of generosity or emotional intelligence, he loves the act of giving and serving her.

But could there be a strategic or even evolutionary reason why men want to perform cunnilingus?

Cunnilingus as Mate Retention Tactic

A study in the scientific journal, Evolutionary Psychology, attempted to delve into the scientific and evolutionary reasons why men perform oral sex on women (epjournal.net – 2013. 11(2): 405-414).  Researchers at Oakland University in Rochester, Michigan, polled 243 adult men in heterosexual relationships and determined that men perform cunnilingus as part of a “mate retention tactic” to minimize the risk of their partners’ infidelity.  Men at greater recurrent risk of sperm competition are more likely to perform cunnilingus on their partner until she achieves orgasm, the study states.

Cunnilingus, Orgasm, and Sperm Retention?

Researchers also wanted to see if cunnilingus served the purpose of sperm retention; previous research had speculated that women retain more sperm when they orgasm shortly after their partner’s ejaculation as a result of uterine contractions that pull sperm further into the reproductive tract (affectionately called the “upsuck theory.”)  But cunnilingus as a sperm-retention tactic was not consistent with the study results.  Other researchers have also disputed the “upsuck” hypothesis.

Female Orgasm and the Pair-Bond

This study connects to the larger ongoing question: what is the purpose of the female orgasm?  Evolutionary psychologists and social biologists have attempted to answer this question for many years. With regard to mate retention, it is worth remembering that, as early as 1967, Desmond Morris (The Naked Ape) proposed that female orgasm exists because the production of oxytocin and prolactin contribute to warm feelings toward a mate, thus strengthening the pair-bond.

But one commenter on the Oakland University study had a more humorous, if not common-sense insight: “If you have to ask that question (why men perform cunnilingus) then you aren’t doing it right.”

Transitioning from Political Divide Series

This missive about cunnilingus may serve as a “palette cleanser” (so sorry) for the taste of seven prior posts about our political divide. I offer it in the spirit of playfulness with hope for a sexier 2021, especially for those sheltered and socially-distanced for nine months with no partner.

Sexual Instruction is a Fool’s Errand

My interests in sexual behavior or technique is primarily about their psychological impact and meaning — what that behavior reveals about human motivation and desire. Although this post may suggest “what” to do in sexual practice, it is not (obviously) a “how-to” guide to improve male sexual “performance” or give more pleasure to a particular woman. Such instruction is mostly a fool’s errand.

Women Are Too Variable

Women are too variable and unique to predict what will work from one woman to the next and from one day to the next with the same woman. Only experimentation and dogged communication will find the key to that “kingdom.” But some sexual behaviors have a pretty good track record as pleasing to a majority of women. Cunnilingus qualifies.

Keep it Light-hearted

Orgasm, mate retention, and pair-bonding are legitimate subjects of evolutionary psychological research. But take this post mostly in a light-hearted vein and as a harbinger of more provocative posts to come.

Mating Straight Talk in 2021

My primary goal for this blog and website is to educate the general public about the facts and implications of evolutionary psychology and mate selection in human affairs. I have not seriously tried to “entertain” you. But in the coming year, I plan to tell more stories, use more humor, and invite you to engage with me. I will be a bit more practical or solution-focused. And I want to hear your ideas about the facts and theories presented here and what you think they could mean for improving your life and our culture. This is a tough ask. Evolutionary science is mostly a truth-telling about how things are, but there are glimmers of continuing human adaptation and new dreams worth sharing.

Addressing the Undiscussables

Many topics related to human mating are avoided and denied — they are “undiscussable.” I will lean into these topics in 2021. There will be more about biological sex differences, differences in sexual psychology between men and women, and more about the diversity of gender identity and sexual orientation. In biology and psychology, we must look at the exceptions to better understand the norm. The new year brings more real science and honest talk (“straight talk”) about human mating.