Women’s Preferences for Male Facial Masculinity

Women’s Preferences for Male Facial Masculinity

by | Jun 20, 2021 | Biological Difference, Dating & Mating Economy, Sexuality

“The face is more honest than the mouth will ever be.”

~ Daphne Orebaugh

In a prior post (Want An equal Marriage? Then Date As Equals),  I described the “trade-off problem” (coined by evolutionary psychologists) that women have in choosing between male alpha traits of dominance and status and male beta traits of loyalty and kindness.  Recent research reveals this trade-off phenomenon is operative when a woman rates a man’s attractiveness as a function of his facial masculinity.  Do women who are attracted to men prefer a macho, masculine appearance? Or is a gentler, more feminine face the ideal?

Take-away – High-level

Along a continuum of digitally produced hyper-feminine to hyper-masculine faces, women preferred the “moderately” masculine face.  Women’s preference for moderately masculine faces comports directly with the overall female mating strategy that attempts to find the “sweet spot” of an alpha-dominant man (with resources, prestige, and hierarchical power) and a “beta” man who will be trustworthy and invest in her children.  This trade-off problem is solved by finding a compromise for facial masculinity –  identifying a masculine face rated above the mean but not so masculine as to be perceived as untrustworthy.   A preference for “moderately” masculine faces demonstrates the combination of a woman’s long-term and short mating strategy and her competing intentions for selecting traits in an ideal mate.

Order of Facial Preference (Summary)

After moderately masculine faces, the order of preference for male faces was “intermediate” (balanced masculine and feminine) faces, followed by extremely masculine and moderately feminine faces.  Extremely feminine (male) faces were the least attractive to heterosexual women.

Masculine Traits in the Animal Kingdom

In the rest of the animal kingdom, males with exaggerated masculine traits are favored.  For example, the showy plumage of a bird of paradise or the puffed-up chest of a silver-back gorilla makes these animals luckier in love. This is likely because there is a link between these macho traits and health and vigor. A preference for masculine traits is a preference for a male who will make a good biological father.

Tough Guys and Sensitive Types

In our species, perhaps unsurprisingly, the story is more complicated. Some women prefer “tough guys,” and others prefer more sensitive types. Why?  In some circumstances, masculine qualities are more valuable. In others, a more feminine partner might be the better choice.

Dimorphism and the Masculine Human Face 

Men’s facial masculinity expresses the degree of dimorphism or physical differences between the sexes in humans.  A masculine face has narrower eyes and thinner lips; a broader mandible (jawbone), chin, forehead, and (wider) nose; larger cheekbones, a long lower face height below the nasal region, a more protruded and robust brow ridge, straighter eyebrows, facial hair, and darker complexion. The heavy lower face that women favor in men is a visible record of the surge in testosterone and other male sex hormones that turn small boys into athletic men.

Male Facial Hair and Attractiveness

A paper published in January 2020 found that facial masculinity was positively correlated with attractiveness, and beards significantly increased attractiveness in both short-term and long-term scenarios. The effect is demonstrated by the fact that full-bearded feminine (male) faces (otherwise least attractive) were rated as more attractive than clean-shaven moderately masculine faces (otherwise, the most attractive).

“Moderate” Man Pictured Above

The signature image for this post demonstrates (IMO) a moderately masculine face.  This man has narrow eyes, a wide jaw bone, prominent cheekbones, a fairly robust brow ridge, facial hair, and a darker complexion.  He does not have a broad nose or significant face height below the nasal region.  His facial symmetry (see Appendix) is nearly perfect, generating overall attractiveness (and perhaps a touch of femininity). His expression is determined, if not slightly menacing, adding an artifact to his overall masculinity.

What is a Feminine Face?

Given the dimorphism between the sexes, it is necessary and instructive to consider the “feminine face” to access levels of facial masculinity.  Social psychologist Michael Cunningham at the University of Louisville found dimensions and proportions of the ideal female face: large eyes, small chin and nose, high cheekbones, and narrow cheeks.  These traits are signs that a woman has reached puberty.   The tiny jaw is essentially a monument to estrogen and obliquely to fertility – signaling the increased odds that she could get pregnant.  High eyebrows, dilated pupils, and broad smile signal excitement and sociability.  Cunningham also found that men are looking for lips that have “fullness, redness, and warmth.”

Hyperfeminine Face

When researcher David Perrett exaggerated the ways in which the prettiest female composite differed from the average composite, the resulting face was judged more attractive.  “It turned out that the way an attractive female face differs from an average one is related to femininity,” say Perrett.  “For example, the female eyebrows are more arched than males and exaggerating the difference from average increases femininity.”  Perrett created a “hyperfeminine” face in his studies by slightly changing the face to have larger eyes, a smaller nose, plumper lips, a narrow jaw, and a smaller chin. (See “Averageness and Exceptionality” in Appendix.)

The hyperfeminine face is considered attractive (if not beautiful) by both men and women.  The hypermasculine face is considered less attractive than average, especially by women.

Healthy Men Can Afford High Levels of Testosterone

Facial masculinity is a secondary sexual trait caused by sex-specific ratios of androgens (testosterone) and estrogens, affecting morphology (physical form and structure) and behavior.   It is hypothesized that women should find facial masculinity attractive in potential mates because masculinity may act as an honest signal for male health.  Only men with above-average health in adolescence can “afford” to produce high levels of testosterone that masculinizes the face.   Facial masculinity is positively associated with some aspects of men’s health and disease resistance.

Facial Masculinity May Signal Competitive Ability

Facial masculinity may signal competitive ability to other men and the ability to provide protection and resources.  It may also provide relevant information to potential mates and same-sex rivals regarding reproductive maturity, underlying health, formidability, and social status. More masculine-looking men tend to have more muscular physiques and greater physical strength, health, and competitive ability.

Facial Masculinity is Associated with Behavioral Dominance

Facial masculinity is associated with behavioral dominance, an open sociosexual orientation (level of “sapiosexuality”*), and higher social rank in same-sex dominance hierarchies.    It has been reported that square-jawed men start having sex earlier than their peers and attain higher ranks in the military.

Trade-off: Good Health vs. Good Parent

Masculine facial traits increase both perceived dominance and decreased quality as a parent.  High levels of testosterone have been linked to undesirable social traits such as aggression and decreased parental investment.   Again, women may face a trade-off between choosing a less masculine but more agreeable (and investing) long-term partner versus choosing a man whose masculine appearance indicates good health — but who may have less socially desirable traits. Thus, variation in preference for masculine men may reflect choices for more prosocial partners and nurturing fathers over possible indirect (genetic) and direct benefits associated with masculine facial traits.

“Masculine” Men and Likelihood of Sexual Infidelity

Masculine-looking men are perceived to be less warm, kind, and less paternally investing.   Further, masculine men state higher preferences for short-term mating than for long-term relationships.  They engage in more short-term relationships than their less masculine peers, and women accurately assign the likelihood of sexual infidelity for the masculine facial shape in static photographs.  Women find less masculine faces more attractive for a long-term relationship, perhaps because macho men are generally less committed.

Women Prefer More Masculine Men for Short-term Flings

Illustrating collusion or synergy related to a masculine man’s short-term mating preference, the results of 15 years of research consistently show that women find above-average masculine faces to be sexiest and most attractive for a casual sexual encounter.

Study Rated Degrees of Facial Masculinity

As reported in Adaptive Human Behavior and Physiology (2017),  Iris Holzleitner (Institute of Neuroscience & Psychology in Glasgow) published a comprehensive study of how women differ in their preferences for male facial masculinity.  Holzleitner recruited 563 women who rated the attractiveness of a set of male faces that had been manipulated to appear more feminine or more masculine. Masculine faces were altered to have a more robust jaw, narrower eyes and lips, and a wider nose. In many research studies, volunteers are only asked to compare one feminized face with one masculinized face; in Holzleitner’s study, volunteers individually rated faces of varying degrees of masculinity.

Example of Continuum of Facial Masculinity

Degrees of facial masculinity are depicted below as an illustrative example.  The “average” face is from a research data set; the “less masculine” and “more masculine” faces are alterations from the “average” made by web-master and photographer Tom Carroll, especially for this post.   Changes to the jawline, cheeks, chin, lips, eyes, and eyebrows exaggerate the difference between a “feminized” male face and a strong (perhaps “hyper”) masculine face; Holzleitner’s computer-generated facial changes were more subtle, systemized, and “mathematical” along a continuum. The average face depicted here is roughly equivalent to a “moderately” masculine face.

three faces of masculinity
Women Preferred the “Moderately Masculine”

Holzleitner found that women most preferred male faces that were moderately masculine. Very masculine or feminine faces were less appealing. However, the degree of masculinity a woman preferred in a man’s face depended somewhat on her own characteristics.

Sexual Orientation-Fluidity Effect

Not surprisingly, women who had some attraction to women tended to rate feminine male faces more attractive.  Whereas women who were exclusively attracted to men had a stronger preference for more masculine faces. “The more women were exclusively sexually attracted to men, the more attractive they found highly masculine faces,” reported Holzleitner.

Recent Research on Sexual Fluidity Effect 

Variations in the sexual orientation (degree of fluidity or “hetero-flexibility”) of self-identified heterosexual women influence preferences for male facial masculinity, according to recent research by Carlotta Batres (2020) published in the International Journal of Sexual Health.  Batres is a professor and director of The Preferences Lab** at Franklin & Marshall College.

Batres and colleagues asked 27,611 heterosexual women to report their level of sexual attraction to women, level of sexual attraction to men, hormonal contraceptive use, relationship status, attitude toward casual sex, and self-assessed attractiveness. The participants were then shown pairs of male faces and instructed to select which face from each pair they considered to be the most attractive.

Sixty-two Percent of Heterosexual Women Reported Some Attraction to Women!

Even though all the women identified as heterosexual, 62.6% reported some level of sexual attraction to other women. This finding was quite significant (if not surprising) by itself.  But more pertinent to the study was the finding that attraction to women influenced assessments of male attractiveness.

“Heterosexual” Women Who Are Attracted to Women Prefer Less Masculine Faces

Batres found the same effect as did Holzleitner.  Women with higher levels of attraction to other women were more likely to view less masculine-looking male faces as more attractive.

Attractive Women Did Not Prefer Feminine Faces

Women also differed in their preferences according to their self-rated attractiveness.  Women who thought they were high in attractiveness didn’t find feminine male faces very attractive at all, but less attractive women rated them moderately appealing. Both self-rated attractive and self-rated unattractive women agreed that moderately masculine men were the most appealing and that very masculine men were slightly less so (as in “order of preference above”).

More Attractive Women Want More Masculine Faces

Stated another way, more attractive women showed less tolerance for lower levels of masculinity than did less attractive women.  The more physically attractive the woman (by self-rating), the stronger preference for higher levels of masculinity.  More attractive women also showed greater discrimination than less attractive women in their preference for masculine faces.

Male-Female Polarity Phenomenon

Greater discrimination or more “choosiness” is a predictable behavior of more attractive women.  As uncovered in Batres’ research, this result is a phenomenon of male-female polarity:  beautiful women want and get more masculine men (men with masculine facial features, taller, and with more defined v-shaped torsos). This polarity seems biologically unconscious as well as predicted by “sorting” in the mating economy.  There is a “mate value” agreement: beautiful women have a high mate value and taller, masculine men generally have higher mate value than shorter and less physically masculine men.

Beautiful Women Can “Afford” More Masculine Men

Attractive women have more immunity from the costs of disloyalty often imposed by more masculine men.  Masculine men are less likely to abandon very beautiful women.  The costs are higher for less attractive women – those women calculate the risk and often “trade” for more “beta” character traits in their choice of a long-term partner.

Women Prefer Masculine Faces in Better Economic Conditions

According to a study appearing in scientific reports  (2019), women’s preference for facial masculinity is strongest under favorable ecological conditions.    Improved economic conditions reduce the need for parental investment from men.  Women may prefer a less masculine and more loyal mate under more tenuous economic conditions – conditions for which assured parental investment is most important.

Female Short-term Mating Increases in Favorable Economic Conditions

Women’s preferences for masculine faces, bodies, voices, and odors are stronger when considering short-term rather than long-term mates.  Economically favorable conditions and reduced need for parental investment may cause women to have more interest in short-term mates and thus more masculine men, referred to as higher “sapiosexuality.”  Under favorable economic conditions, women reported greater willingness to engage in less romantically committed relationships and were more likely to select masculine faces as most sexually attractive.

Holzleitner proposed that women in prosperous countries were more sexually liberated and economically secure, thus freer to make costly mate choices.   Holzleitner’s research does seem to provide further evidence that promiscuous women tend to prefer more masculine men.

Menstrual Cycle Affects Facial Preference

Women may be attracted to masculine-looking men at the most fertile time of their menstrual cycle.  This “ovulatory shift hypothesis” contends that a woman’s preference for more masculine partners as short-term mates may be strongest at the peri-ovulatory phase of the cycle.  In a study conducted in Scotland and Japan, researchers asked women to select one “face” they were most attracted to for a short-term sexual relationship.  In the most fertile week of their menstrual cycle, women preferred more masculine faces.   During the less fertile time, women chose men with more feminine-looking faces.  These men were seen as kinder and more cooperative but less strong and healthy genetically.  However, the choice of face did not vary for women using an oral contraceptive or those asked to choose the most attractive face for a long-term relationship.  Research supporting the ovulatory shift hypothesis is not conclusive.

Preference for Masculine Faces Associated with Poor National Health

Evolutionary mating theories propose that women overlook the costs of selecting less paternally investing masculine traits to secure benefits associated with phenotypic masculinity that could enhance offspring (genetic) fitness.  Indeed, preferences for facial masculinity were highest among women living in countries and states in the U.S. that have lower health and higher levels of pathogens.  These findings are bolstered by experimental studies reporting that exposure to pathogens result in higher preferences for facial masculinity.  This suggests that any social costs of selecting masculine partners may be circumvented under conditions where potential indirect (genetic) benefits may be realized.

Confusing and Contrary Research?

While some studies have shown a preference for more masculine traits in poor health conditions, other studies have shown a preference for less masculine traits in poor economic conditions (as stated above). Undoubtedly, poor economic conditions and poor health conditions go together in some cultural-geographical environments.  This appears to reveal confusing or incompatible research results.

Preferences Related to Homicide Rates and Income Inequality

Adding to the mix of data, research by DeBruine, et al. reported that women’s preferences for facial masculinity were strongest in countries with high homicide rates, male-on-male violence, and income inequality (indices of male intra-sexual competition) rather than reduced national health.

Conclusion

In my last post (Side-swiped: Evolutionary Mismatch and Sex Differences with Mobile Dating) I explained how physical appearance takes on a disproportionately large role in dating by mobile app.  A face flickers across the screen, and juices of attraction or disapproval are registered in an instant.  The degree of facial masculinity is recorded in old regions of the brain before a reason for sexual interest can be articulated in words.   (“The face is more honest than the mouth will ever be.”)

Women’s preference for a moderately masculine face aligns with the female long-term mating strategy of finding an “alpha-dominant” man who also reveals safety and loyalty in his face.  This preference is often a compromise or trade-off made by a woman depending upon her attractiveness and mate value, degree of attraction to women, economic security, the health and safety of her environment, and her situational desire for a short-term fling.  Even her menstrual cycle may play a role in the level of facial masculinity she “requires” for sexual attraction.

Studies broadly suggest that women’s perception of male attractiveness is sensitive to facial cues of masculinity.  These facial preferences are shaped by sexual selection, which dictates the benefits and costs associated with choosing a (facially) feminine or masculine partner.

In the world of sexual selection, a face is not just a face.

References

Batres, C; Jones. B.; Perrett, D., “Attraction to Men and Women Predicts Sexual Dimorphism  Preferences,” International Journal of Sexual Health online,  Jan. 21, 2020.

Burriss, R., Ph.D., evolutionary psychologist at Basel University, Switzerland. The Psychology of Attractiveness podcast.

DeBruine, L.M., et al.  “The health of a nation predicts their mate preferences: cross cultural variation in women’s preferences for masculinized male faces. Proc. R. Soc. Lond. B. Biol. Sci. 277 (2010).

Holzleiter, I. J., & Perrett, D. I, “Women’s preferences for men’s facial masculinity: Trade-off Accounts Revisited.”  Adaptive Human Behavior and Physiology (2017) 3:304-320.

Marcinkowska, U. et al., “Women’s preferences for men’s facial masculinity are strongest under favorable ecological conditions.” Scientific Reports, March 2019.

Notes 

*Sapiosexuality (SOI) refers to the desires for and attitudes toward short-term uncommitted and long-term committed sexual partners.   More sexually open or unrestricted people report high scores for sexual openness, more sexual partners, and may not place high importance on sexual monogamy. By contrast, people with a more restricted sociosexuality have fewer sex partners and place greater importance on monogamy, love, and fidelity.  SOI varies both within and between cultures in ways that conform to mating strategy theories. 

** The Preferences Lab examines the information that faces convey.  The lab’s website says:  “It takes only milliseconds for our brains to process someone’s face, and unconsciously we use facial cues to make a myriad of social judgments, ranging from how dominant someone is to how attractive we find them.”

Appendix

From Science of Attraction and Beauty

Bilateral Symmetry

Humans and most other animals are bilaterally symmetric.   The left and right sides of the body are basically the same, including the face in humans.    Small deviations from this symmetry are called “fluctuating asymmetry” (FAs).  Behavioral ecologist Randy Thornhill and other researchers have discovered a preference for symmetry (low FAs) and its influence on human perception of sexual beauty.  Men with symmetrical bodies tend to have symmetrical faces and bodies that are more muscular, taller, and heavier than those of men with less symmetrical bodies.   A bilaterally symmetrical face is a cue to genetic quality and developmental stability.

An Asymmetrical Male Face

asymmetrical male face example

Symmetry Linked to More Sex and Orgasms

Thornhill found that men with symmetrical bodies were more athletic and more dominant in personality than their peers. He also found that symmetrical human males started having sex three to four years earlier than asymmetrical males, have sex earlier in the courtship, and have two to three times as many partners.   

In 1995, Steven Gangestad and Thornhill surveyed 86 couples and found that women with highly symmetrical partners were more than twice as likely to climax during intercourse than those with low-symmetry partners.  When women have extramarital affairs, they tend to choose symmetrical men as partners.

Symmetrical women were favored too.  They have more sexual partners than less symmetrical females and may be more fertile.  Interestingly, women’s symmetry changes across the menstrual cycle.  They are more symmetrical (and presumably more attractive to their partners) on the day of ovulation.

Averageness and Exceptionality

Humans love “average” faces (koinophilia).  The more “average” you are, or closer to the mean of all people, the more attractive you are perceived to be.  From an evolutionary perspective, a preference for extreme normality makes sense, says researcher Judith Langlois: “individuals with average population characteristics should be less likely to carry harmful genetic mutations.”

Yet, paradoxically, the faces we find most attractive are not average!  Victor Johnson at New Mexico State University found the “ideal” female had a higher forehead than average, fuller lips, shorter jaw, smaller chin and nose, and more arched eyebrows. The most exquisite people are slightly away from average.  “Average faces are attractive, but they are not usually the most beautiful.  Maybe it’s the exaggerations of certain features the creates celestial features,” Johnson wrote. 

Baby Face Phenomenon                               

Large eyes, thick lips, a relatively short nose, and a large curved forehead are considered baby face traits.  Many studies indicate that this “baby face phenomenon,” or the tendency to find infant-like facial features attractive, occurs not only because these features suggest youth, but also because they elicit the same warm feelings as our typical response to babies, both human and animal.

Golden Ratio in the Face

The golden ratio or golden rectangle is one of the most satisfying of all geometric forms.  It is a mathematical relationship (a/b = (a+b)/a = 1.618…) that appears in all of nature and science:  plants, animal bodies, painting, architecture, sculpture and even music.  It has been called the “divine proportion.” 

The golden ratio occurs repeatedly in the dimensions of the human face and produces our perception of balance and physical beauty.  The human head forms a golden rectangle with the eyes at the midpoint.   The mouth and nose are each placed at golden sections of the distance between the eyes and the bottom of the chin.  The golden ratio can be found in more than twenty facial calculations.  Human facial beauty is based on divine proportion.  From Queen Nefertiti to Marilyn Monroe, beautiful women throughout history display the golden ratio in the face.

 

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Side-Swiped: Evolutionary Mismatch and Sex Differences with Mobile Dating

Side-Swiped: Evolutionary Mismatch and Sex Differences with Mobile Dating

by | Jun 7, 2021 | Dating & Mating Economy, Relationship Issues, Sexuality

“With the rise of the mobile dating app, we are in evolutionary unprecedented waters.” 

                        ~ Justin Garcia, Kinsey Institute

Set in the cities and college campuses of Austin, New York City, Santa Cruz, and Plainfield, Illinois, HBO laid bare the lives of Gen Zers and their use of dating apps in the 2018 documentary, “Swiped – Hooking Up in the Digital Age.”  Based on what they uncovered, HBO may have intended “swiped” as a metaphor for being disappointed or blind-sided, in addition to noting the addictive action built into the phone and app design. 

A Generation Built to Swipe

Gen Zers (up to 24 years of age) and a small number of Gen Y.1 (25-29 years of age) were exposed to the internet and computers from a very young age. It is natural (if not cognitively conditioned) to connect to their world and others through a display screen.  But Tinder, Snapchat, Instagram, and Facebook deliver and create a reality that sometimes interferes or competes with real-life (IRL).  In “Swiped,” we see scenes of young people in a crowded New York City bar – but their attention is only on their phones.  One HBO interviewee said folks are “almost zombified, looking at their phones even when all together in the same space.”  “If you called someone these days, you would probably get labeled a psychopath,” joked another young man.

“Swiping” Market is Huge

Tinder estimated there were 1.5 billion swipes per day in 2018.  As a part of a 2.5 billion dollar dating industry, 40 million Americans use online dating.   Adults age 18 to 30 spend an estimated 10 hours a week on dating apps.  One out of two single people in the US has a profile on a dating app.

We Evolved in Small Groups with Few Potential Mates

Dating by mobile device may conflict with our evolutionary hard-wiring.  In an interview for “Swiped,” evolutionary psychologist David Buss explained the problem with dating apps:  “We evolved in the context of small groups ranging from 50 to 150 with limited geographical mobility. You would encounter perhaps a few dozen potential mates in your entire lifetime.  We take this small-group dating psychology and transplant it in the modern world with thousands of mates, and it triggers this short-term mating psychology in a way that never would have been triggered ancestrally.”  And with all of these options, the value of each person in the mating economy goes down.

Evolutionary Mismatch

The field of evolutionary psychology has become more interested in these instances of modern “evolutionary mismatch.”    “Since organic evolutionary processes take a long time to effect change, our minds are better suited to ancestral, pre-agricultural contexts than they are to modern contexts,” says Glenn Geher and Nicole Wedberg in their book Positive Evolutionary Psychology (2020).  Studies of pre-agricultural forms of diet and exercise (paleo fitness and movement) and ways to increase “social capital” in our cities are examples of solution-focused evolutionary psychology.  Mobile apps as currently designed may not be part of the solution.

“We are engaging ancient biological parts of our behavior, but the platform is novel and unprecedented. With the rise of the mobile dating app, we are in evolutionary unprecedented waters,”  cautions Justin Garcia of the Kinsey Institute.

A Picture is Worth a Thousand Deceptions

The dating app photo, especially on Tinder, is everything.   Physical appearance overwhelms all other information and takes on a disproportionately larger role.  As described in the film by clinical psychologist Jennifer Powell-Lunder, mating strategies are evident on the apps: “men present in a very stereotypical male way – providers, hunters, puffing up their chests.  And women present in more sexual ways.”  Powell-Lunder identified a phenomenon brought on by the relative anonymity of the mobile app.  She called it the “Clark Kent syndrome.”  “Mild-mannered average guys get to feel like a Superman, powerful and sexually aggressive.”  This kind of dating is all “performative,” she says.

Male-Female Difference

Men and women use these apps differently.  Hinge CEO and founder, Justin McLeod, was interviewed in the HBO film:  “Women are more selective.  On the whole, a majority of women are looking almost exclusively for a relationship on these services.  The majority of the men are primarily looking to hook-up.”  Those looking for a hook-up have the upper hand in this new world.  Women in the documentary lamented: “Guys will have one girlfriend per network (Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, and Snapchat).”

Traditional Romantic Relationship vs. a Hook-Up

In a lecture to the Feminist Student Association at the University of Indiana, Garcia presented data from college students about which type of relationship they preferred — a traditional romantic relationship (TRR) or a  hook-up.  Sixty-three percent (63%) of the men said they preferred TRR, and 34% said they favored a hook-up.  Eighty-three percent (83%) of the women preferred TRR and just 13% wanted a hook-up.  One woman in the documentary said, “I want a boyfriend; I don’t want a fuck buddy.”  CEO and founder of Tinder, Sean Rad noted “80% of users are looking for a serious relationship.”  This is about right for the women, but not overall.  Rad might be exaggerating a big to make Tinder look a bit nobler.  In the film, females actively looking for hook-ups on Tinder were derisively called (by the men) “tinderellas.”

Men and Women Differ in Comfort Level of Hook-up Behaviors

Garcia also reported on women’s comfort level for certain hook-up behaviors compared to what was attributed to them by men (on a scale of -5 to +5).  Men overestimated a women’s comfort level with sexual intercourse and oral sex (both giving and receiving) by a significant margin.

 Design and Addiction of the App Architecture

The architecture of dating apps is built for split-second decision-making  – are you “hot or not?”

Gamification is a well-researched design feature.  Swiping produces unpredictable yet frequent rewards – intermittent reinforcement based on the operant conditioning studies of B.F Skinner.  (Pigeons are the precursors to swiping-obsessed GenZers.) Visual pop-ups show a match with fanfare and a dopamine rush.  Yet, anticipation is a greater rush than the reward.  Like gambling addiction, swiping or sexual compulsion is more of a “high” than a genuine pleasure.

Effects On Emotional Health and Relationship Satisfaction

“I hate it that everything depends upon how you look,”  said a young woman from Austin.  One clinical expert interviewed by HBO said, “mobile apps cause us to feel like we are always dating, always promoting your product.”   A black woman from New York City spoke of emotional abuse from an online relationship.  “I was heartbroken.  I feel like he treated me like an object almost.”   A college student in Santa Cruz gave a male perspective:  “if you do care, you have to not show it; you act like you don’t.”

Women overall are wary and disappointed in the digital online environment.  Men are pleased and discouraged by dating using the apps.

The Hinge Difference?

McLeod says Hinge is “designed to be deleted.” Unlike his swipe-centric rivals, McLeod doesn’t want his user base to stay endlessly glued to the app. McLeod has drug addiction in his history – he understands this problem.  McLeod described Tinder “as a numbers game where users were betting to find a match after never-ending swipes.  It just turned into a game in a casino.”  McLeod realized that it was time for love-seekers to put themselves out there.  “It is about vulnerability and opening up and softening your edges.”

Hinge no longer conforms to the swipe template. Instead, users (as of in 2019) have to answer a choice of three prompts that encourage sensitivity.  Instead of the “hot selfie,” Hinge encourages “photos that lend themselves to a conversation.”

Hinge Inspired Modern Love

McLeod’s own love story is depicted in Episode 2 of Amazon’s highly praised Modern Love.   Dev Patel’s character builds an app called Fuse and reconnects with his soulmate just before she was supposed to marry another man.  In real life (IRL), McLeod flew to Europe and declared his love for his long-lost soulmate, Kate, one month before her wedding to another man.  McLeod and Kate got married and have a child.  McLeod’s real love story informs his approach to Hinge, although Hinge has been fully acquired by dating monopolist IAC Match Group, which also owns Tinder.

Does Bumble Empower Women?

“Bumble is a site where only women are going to make the first move,” explains a female Bumble executive interviewed for the documentary.   But does Bumble empower women?   Zoe Strimpel, a dating historian and columnist for The Sunday Telegraph, said, “Bumble is just codifying that women have to do more work – have the burden of dating – the communication and emotional work.”   Regardless of the questionable premise (IMO) that women have “the burden of dating,”  Strimpel “does not see how Bumble fixes the mistakes that Tinder has made.”

Gay Apps Maybe Provide a Needed Service

The documentary explains how dating apps and the internet generally have given gay men and lesbians more access to each other.  Garcia said the internet is good for the LGBTQ community in that regard.  But one man complained that it has cut down on “cruising” in person, which he described as fun and, more importantly, part of gay culture.  One gay Austinite said that when he sees a guy in a bar, he immediately goes to Grindr to find out more about him and even communicates to him through the app as he stands just 30-feet away.  One gay site gets a favorable mention.  SCRUFF is supposedly a top-rated and reliable app for gay, bi, trans and queer guys to connect. 

Physical Risk in the App Ecosphere

Online-related sexual assault has multiplied over the years.  According to general news and wellness site, Phactual, one out of every ten sex offenders uses online dating to meet people.  A 2018 Buzzfeed article told the story of an alleged “Tinder Rapist” who said he felt entitled to sex from a female he’d met on the dating app because “she wanted it and the Tinder app was for that.”

“Are dating apps contributing to rape culture?”   Mandy Ginsberg, CEO of IAC Match Group, avoided answering that question in the documentary, citing the company’s focus on safety tips for women.  (IAC Match Group owns Match, Tinder, Plenty of Fish, OK Cupid, Black People Meet, Senior People Meet, and now Hinge.)

Revenge Porn is a Nasty Artifact

As starkly depicted in the HBO documentary, sexting is also a risk.  One in 25 Americans has been the target of revenge porn – the unauthorized use and spread of nude photos.  Instagram photos of all types may lend themselves to reputation damage, even affecting employment and careers.  Tinder co-founder and CSO Jonathan Badeem seemed sympathetic but had no concrete plans (at the time of filming by HBO) to stop revenge porn or reduce the incidence of sexual assault associated with the app.

Future of the Apps and Mobile “Dating” Experience

“The use of apps will not slow down because there is too much money to be made,” according to Adam Alter, a social psychologist at New York University. He added, “the apps are getting better and better at designing experiences that are addictive.” Furthermore, virtual and augmented reality apps are coming!

 Through Eyes of Alex and Kyle

Midway through the documentary, we are introduced to an adorable couple in New York City.  Alex and Kyle found each other on an app and felt authentically connected as friends and lovers.  They had great simpatico and playfulness — enough trust and comfort to try to be with a third person.  (Alex, the woman, is a self-proclaimed “heteroflexible”).  They swiped together as a couple, looking for a woman to join them.  It was exciting and fun.  Their coupling seemed to work.  At the end of the documentary, we see them for the third time. Kyle and Alex sat on the bed and reflected on their relationship together. Now, it seems, they are not a couple.

 But Love is Sweet

 Kyle became distant, and he does not know why.  Kyle hooks-up with other women on Tinder. Alex seemed sad and resigned.  She wanted a real relationship with Kyle.  She tells the camera that expressing love is sweet. She can have other sexual encounters if she wants to (and does), but we get the impression that she just wanted a committed relationship with him.

“Tinder Exhausts Me”

 Alex finally says, “Tinder exhausts me but I use it to judge people, and I like to swipe.  I like doing the swiping, I always have.”  “Nothing good happens from Tinder,” says Kyle in response. Then, Alex turns to Kyle and gives him a penetrating look, “we met on Tinder.”

Summary

  • Digital apps produce a vastly different environment for short-term mating from what existed in our evolutionary past.
  • The focus on physical looks has dramatically increased in the digital environment. This change is especially significant in the overall mix of female sexual strategies.  Short-term mating for women has always put more emphasis on physical attractiveness, facial symmetry, and a man’s v-torso.  A woman’s predominant long-term strategy, which still operates on the apps, emphasizes character, resources, and commitment.
  • Young women are having a bit more casual sex because of this environment, but they are not necessarily more satisfied. (There was only one woman depicted in “Swiped” that seemed centered and comfortable with a non-monogamous lifestyle.)
  • Though women are experimenting more with casual sex and non-monogamy, 80% of women want or use the apps in hopes of developing a long-term relationship.  This confirms the hard-wired difference of mating strategies between men and women.
  • Few long-term relationships come from dating app hook-ups.
  • Women overall are wary and disappointed in the digital online environment.
  • Men are pleased and discouraged by dating using the apps.
  • HBO’s documentary does not explore the sex-ratio difference on college campuses (more women than men) that has also contributed to changes in the female approach to casual sex and intrasexual competition between women, and is the cause of multiple partners for men.
  • Women rightly fear rape and other kinds of abuse (physical and emotional) or assault.
  • Reputation damage and revenge porn have dramatically increased with the use of dating apps and the reach of the internet.

 

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Want An Equal Marriage? Then Date As Equals

Want An Equal Marriage? Then Date As Equals

by | May 24, 2021 | Dating & Mating Economy, Gender Politics, Relationship Issues

Based on “If You Want a Marriage of Equals, Then Date As Equals,” by Ellen Lamont in The Atlantic, February 14, 2020.

“I know it feels counterintuitive…..I’m a feminist,” the first woman said.  “But I like to have a guy be chivalrous.”

Heterosexual women with progressive-liberal political leanings often say they want an equal partnership with men. “But dating is a different story entirely,” according to feminist sociologist Ellen Lamont of Appalachian State University and author of  The Mating Game: How Gender Still Shapes How We Date. Lamont’s research found that such women expected men to ask for, plan, and pay for dates.  They also expected men to initiate sex, confirm the exclusivity of a relationship and propose marriage.  “After setting all those precedents, these women then wanted a marriage in which they shared the financial responsibilities, housework, and child care relatively equally,” wrote Lamont in an article for The Atlantic.  Very few of Lamont’s female subjects saw these dating practices as a threat to their feminist credentials or their desire for egalitarian marriages.  Lamont says they are wrong on both counts.

Glaring Disconnect – Progressive Beliefs vs. Lived Experience

Lamont noticed a glaring disconnect between straight women’s views on marriage and thoughts on dating.  Lamont found that once these women were married, it was difficult to “right the ship.”  The same gender stereotypes that they adopted while dating played out in their long-term partnerships.

Interviewing “Woke” Millennials

Lamont interviewed heterosexual and LGBTQ people in the San Francisco Bay area – highly educated, professional-track young adults.  Everyone she interviewed was quite vocal in their support of gender equality and readily accepted the label “feminist.”

Three-quarters of millennials in America support gender equality at work and home and agree that the ideal marriage is equitable.  Consequently, Lamont expected her female interviewees to epitomize feminist liberation.  Yet, when they thought of equality among men and women, they focused more on professional opportunities than on interpersonal dynamics.

Gender Equality Gains at Work – Not at Home

Lamont had long been interested in how gender influences behavior in romantic relationships. She was well aware that research showed more significant gains in gender equality at work than at home.   Americans with a college education now get married in their early 30s on average.  Young adults put their love life on hold while they invest in their education and establish a career.  Lamont’s female subjects expected their partner to support their ambitious professional goals.  The men said they desired and respected these independent, high-achieving women and saw them as more compatible partners as a result.

“It’s a Deal Breaker If He Doesn’t Pay”

“Can I be a self-sufficient, empowered woman and still enjoy it when a guy picks up the check?” appeared as a question in a recent Vogue opinion column.  Apparently, the answer is “yes.”  Many of the women Lamont spoke to enacted strict dating rules.  “It’s a deal-breaker if a man doesn’t pay for a date,” one 29-year-old woman said.  A 31-year-old woman said, “if a man doesn’t pay, “they just probably don’t like you very much.”  The women assumed that many of the men were looking for nothing more than a hook-up, so some of these dating rituals were tests to see whether the man was truly interested in a commitment.  A third woman, also 31, told Lamont, “I feel like men need to feel like they are in control, and if you ask them out, you end up looking desperate, and it’s a turnoff to them.”

Risk of Not Paying: Reduced Mate Value

Female commentators in the relationship advice genre for men have suggested that men pay for first dates (at least) as a default position, lest the man is viewed as:

  • Cheap (unnecessarily frugal and no fun)
  • Ungenerous of character (does not readily give to others – a serious red flag)
  • Poor (on a tight budget – definitely a limitation as a potential mate)
  • Not interested in the woman (a possible false negative)

It is no wonder that men err on the side of paying even if they hope for equity in a long-term relationship.  First, they have to “win the day” and protect their first impression – and their perceived mate value.

“I Like a Guy to be Chivalrous”

On dates, the women talked to Lamont about acting demure and allowing men to do more of the talking.  Women, they said, were more attractive to men when they appeared unattainable, so women preferred for the men to follow up after a date.  None of the women considered proposing marriage; that was the man’s job.  “I know it feels counterintuitive…..I’m a feminist,” the first woman said.  “But I like to have a guy be chivalrous.”

Men Want These Rituals?

Not all of the heterosexual women Lamont interviewed felt strongly about these dating rules.  “Yet even the few women who fell into this category,” says Lamont, “tended to go along with traditional dating rituals anyway, arguing that the men they dated wanted these rituals, and the women just didn’t care enough to challenge the status quo.”  Yet, some men admitted to Lamont that they had run into “conflicts” with strong-willed women.

Men Sometimes Resisted

The heterosexual men Lamont interviewed claimed that a woman’s assertiveness took the pressure off them.  While some liked paying for dates, feeling that the gesture was a nice way to show they cared, others were resistant.  One man told Lamont that he splits the cost of a date fifty-fifty.  “Just because I carry the penis does not mean that I need to buy your food for you.  You’re educated or want to be educated; you want to be independent  – take your stance.”

Undoing Gender Roles in Marriage Was Difficult

Lamont found that when men and women endorsed these traditional gender roles early in their relationship, undoing those views in marriage was difficult. The married men she interviewed often left caregiving and housework to the women and considered themselves primarily breadwinners and decision-makers.  Time-use surveys in the U.S. show that women still do about twice as much unpaid labor in the home as men.  One woman said of her husband, “he’ll take our son on bike rides with him.  But in the middle of the night, I’m the one getting up.”

Set Up Expectations from the Outset

The majority of LGBTQ people Lamont interviewed wanted no part of the dating scripts they saw as connected to gender inequality.   “We have explicitly said we’re not normal or traditional so that we can write the script ourselves.”  Most noteworthy, the LGBTQ interviewees set up the expectations of equality from the outset of dating, not after it. This approach shifted their understanding of what was possible for intimate relationships, and they, for the most part, had more equal long-term relationships as a result.

Outside of the Heterosexual Mating Dynamic

LGBTQ individuals espoused similar ideals about equity but were more likely to reject and resist dominant courtship scripts.  This resistance is not surprising to evolutionary psychologists.  Once outside of the male-female mating dynamic (based on sexual selection for reproduction) and the co-evolutionary “arms race” of competing male-female sexual psychologies, it is expected that such courtship rituals would have less relevance.

Sociology vs. Evolutionary Psychology

According to fellow academics who reviewed her book, Lamont uses the “sociological imagination” to interpret her data.  A focus on the relationship between individual agency and larger social structures represents the customary sociological view of the bidirectional relationship between individuals and society.

Lamont does not seem to understand or acknowledge the evolutionary power of male-female differences in mating strategy that undergirds traditional courtship scripts.  Traits that have a long evolutionary history for successful mating either supersede or interact with existing social structures.  Confidence and displays of status and competence are critical attractors for women; they are unconsciously embedded in many traditional courtship rituals.

It is Not “Counterintuitive” – It is Sexual Selection

“I want a man who’s kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?”  ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor

Women want both power (resources) and kindness in their mates. Women have a natural attraction and sexual charge for alpha traits (which are preeminently desired) but also have a secondary need for safety and loyalty (beta traits) to ensure long-term mating success and ongoing provision and protection of children.  Male beta traits are more correlated with progressive-liberal political leanings and likely incorporate favorable views of feminist ideology; these traits mostly signal kindness, not power.

Female Competing Preferences – the Trade-off Problem

Because status and power do not easily co-exist with loyalty and kindness, women must often choose between these traits (what evolutionary psychologists call the “trade-off problem”) in an attempt to find the right combination in a chosen mate.  Men of status and power usually get the first or longest “interview” with women.  The sexual attraction to them is strongest; the hope is that the man will turn out to be loyal and authentically generous – at least for that particular woman.

Double Trouble for Men

Women’s competing mate preferences often cause double binds for men.  (See Psychological Double Binds Imposed on Men.)  The man wants to please a woman, but she may be confused from moment to moment or in a constant state of dilemma and tension about what she wants and needs.  She wants a chivalrous suitor AND an egalitarian partner.  (To be fair, those behaviors are not necessarily mutually exclusive.)

Trade-off Problem in Era of Female Empowerment

“A showdown between traditionalism and egalitarianism is underway.”  ~ Ellen Lamont

The “trade-off” problem for women has become particularly acute during the modern era of female empowerment and feminist cultural framing; the “shadow self” of female biological imperatives has become more hidden yet prone to “leak out” with mixed messages to the surface of present-day male-female mate selection and romantic-sexual relating.

Lamont uncovered these mixed messages in her research. The first step in addressing a double bind, hypocrisy, or a mixed message is to see it and name it for what it is – or write a book about it, in Lamont’s case.

Dating As Equals – “I Want This and That”

Here are a few mixed messages (expression of needs) from women related to the issues of “dating as equals.”  Men often process them as menacing double-binds.   It is challenging to find a compromise or middle ground in response, although it is not impossible for an emotionally intelligent and strong man.

As Lamont discovered, these needs often lurk underneath the contemporary tension between men and women in heterosexual relationships.  They operate on a continuum but are magnified here without nuance to bring clarity to their evolutionary roots and power —  and to demonstrate the reason why they are so “undiscussable.”

Even liberated women might say:

  • “I want full equality of economic power and opportunity, but I also want to mate with a man who has as much or more power than me, and preferably more power than other men.”
  • “I will rail against gender power inequality while I actually want to partner and have sex with a man who is at the top of the power hierarchy.”
  • “I want a man who embraces feminist positions politically while being an alpha among his peers.”
  • “Please have the willingness and capacity to provide, be generous, make decisions, be chivalrous, and offer protection. I prefer that you offer to pay for most everything and never expect me to pay for you.  I do not want to embrace the role of ‘receiver of gifts’ even though it turns me on.”
  • “I want to be seen as taking care of myself. Provide for me in some way but do not patronize or disempower me as you do that.”
  • “Please help around the house! But your domestication may remove my sexual charge for you.”  (This possibility has been found in a study or two.)
How “Gender” Still Shapes How We Date

Lamont’s research and book look at how people with diverse gender identities and sexualities date, form relationships, and make decisions about commitments as they negotiate an uncertain romantic landscape.  She uncovers how “gender” still shapes how we date.

Lamont’s decidedly liberal subject sample makes a strong case that espoused progressive cultural values do not dramatically change the courtship behavior of heterosexuals.  Evolutionary mate selection dynamics, biological imperatives, and the nature of male and female sexuality most often supersede new cultural norms.  Women want men who show confidence, initiation, and generosity –  the capacity to use resources on their behalf.

Conclusion

Lamont says that most heterosexuals engage in courtship rituals that reinforce gender differences despite claiming a desire for egalitarian relationships with equal division of work/household labor and financial independence of both partners.  Lamont makes the case that by clinging to traditional courtships scripts, young adults unwittingly undermine the gender revolution they say they embrace.

Epilogue

 “Ultimately, what was revealed (it seemed to me), unspoken but acted upon, was that the ‘old male’ was still very much desired by women for the security they delivered.” 

~ Steven Fearing, Origins of Mating Straight Talk – Reasons and Reflections

References

Lamont, E. “If You Want a Marriage of Equals, Then Date As Equals,” The Atlantic, February 14, 2020.

Lamont, E. (2020). The Mating Game: How Gender Still Shapes How We Date.

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The Male Sexual Deficit: Social Fact of the 21st Century

The Male Sexual Deficit: Social Fact of the 21st Century

by | May 10, 2021 | Biological Difference, Dating & Mating Economy, Men's Issues, Sexuality

the”‘“Feminists insist that men’s greater demand for sexual activity is an outdated myth. Recent sex surveys prove the myth to be a fact and one that the social sciences have yet to address.”  

~ Catherine Hakim

Men want more sex than women (in statistical aggregate with individual differences).  This is not a criticism of men or a judgment of women.  This is just the way it is. We were designed this way over eons of time. The fact that men want more sex than women comports directly with the evolutionary evidence of sexual selection and the science of human mating. It reflects and is predicted by the difference between the sexual excitation system dominant in men versus the sexual inhibition system dominant in women.  (See prior posts.)  Only the questioning of this fact seems surprising.

Unsatisfying Sex Does Not Account for the Deficit

I have recently written about why heterosexual women may not want the sex they are being offered (Why Women Are Bored in Monogamous Relationships and Addressing Barriers to Female Sexual Pleasure – Let’s Get Educated).  But the prospect of unsatisfying sex does not account for the disparity of desire between men and women and ultimately the male sex deficit.  The “male sexual deficit” (also called surplus male sexuality) is the condition of men not getting enough sex.

The Male Sexual Deficit is Caused By:
  1. Women generally have a lower sex drive (sexual motivation) — the predominance of their sexual inhibition system (responsive desire). Men have a higher need for sexual activity and a need for more variety of sexual partners.
  2. Women find only a few men “suitable.” Female selectivity is a critical sex difference and evolutionary adaptation. The criteria of mate choice in a woman’s long-term mating strategy reveals “choosiness” for a narrow cluster of traits that define a “suitable” mate.  Related to “suitability,” there is a wide attraction disparity between men and women; men find a majority of women attractive; women find the majority of men unattractive.  (This fact is mostly undiscussable in the dating advice marketplace.)
  3. A severe supply and demand imbalance in the mating market that disadvantages men – the result of a lower female sex drive and “choosiness.” Available and willing women are in short supply compared to the significant demand by interested men.
  4. Women often do not want the “kind of sex” offered by their male partner, causing relative boredom, disinterest, and reduced sexual activity.
  5. There is an increase in the percentage of women who identify as lesbian or bi-sexual in practice.  Female sexual fluidity is growing. Women’s inherent sexual plasticity is leaving men on the sidelines.
Male Sexual Deficit in the Twenty-First Century

This post is named after and draws from a paper written by British sociologist Catherine Hakim.  It also captures the wisdom of evolutionary psychologists pertinent to this topic, primarily the work of David Buss. (See bios in the Appendix.)

Hakim describes the sexual deficit among men as a universal phenomenon in modern societies.  This phenomenon “emerged” during her research on sexual cultures, internet dating, and marriage markets.

Harbingers and Evidence of the Deficit: Sex Differentials Around the World

“The sex differentials in sexuality remain large, substantively important, and are found in all cultures, including the sexually liberated societies of Scandinavia.”  ~ Catherine Hakim

Hakim reviewed studies conducted worldwide over the last 30 years and reported a long list of “sex differentials” between men and women.  Below are just a few examples from various countries.

  • The most commonly reported sexual problem is the lack of interest in having sex.  In all countries, the rate of women is at least double the rate for men at all ages.
  • Men are four times more likely than women to agree to sexual approaches from their partner (38% of men versus 11% in Finland).
  • A majority of women regard love as a precondition for sex, while a majority of men reject the idea. (Sweden)
  • Men express two to ten times more enthusiasm for trying every variation in sexual activity. (Britain)
  • Men are three times more likely to prefer several concurrent lovers. (Estonia and Sweden)
  • Regular masturbation is two to three times more common among men in Sweden, Australia, Finland, and Britain.
  • Men are three times more likely to have frequent sexual fantasies and to use erotica of all kinds.
  • Casual sex was regarded as acceptable by a two-thirds majority of men vs. a one-third majority of women in Britain.
  • Men reported extra-marital affairs twice as often as women. Only in France, Spain and Italy do men and women begin to converge in their acceptance and practice of affairs.

A cross-cultural study of 29 countries showed that sex differences in desire and sexual interest are universal, but the gap between men and women is larger in male-dominated cultures than in liberal western democracies.

Male Sexual Deficit in the United States

Denise Donnelly (University of New Hampshire) analyzed a sample of 6,029 married persons in the United States to determine the correlates of sexual inactivity in marriage and to see if sexually inactive marriages were less happy and stable than those with sexual activity.  Donnelly found that about 1 in 7 marriages in the U.S. are largely “sexless” — characterized by little to no sexual intimacy (“dead bedrooms” is a popular subreddit). Typically, this happens because one member of the relationship refuses to engage in sex.  It is most often the woman.  Although sexually inactive marriages are not uncommon, Donnelly concluded that they are not happy or stable marriages. Thus, lack of sexual activity may be a danger signal for many marriages.

Adverse Effects of Male Sex deficit

Hakim believes the male sexual drought negatively affects society, fracturing families and potentially leading to violence and crime.

Hakim says, with some controversy, that the male sexual deficit helps to explain sexual harassment, sexual violence, rape, infidelity, and a rising demand for commercial sexual services that is almost exclusively male.  (Below, I will provide some contrary and perhaps more reliable evidence about sexual coercion from evolutionary psychology.)

Commercial Sex Services Demonstrate the Deficit

Commercial sex services have existed in all societies, whether they are treated as legitimate or not.  The male sexual deficit explains why, in all societies, customers for the sex industry are men almost exclusively. For instance, in Greece and Italy, 40% of men have bought sexual services compared to less than 1% of women.

An International Labor Office (ILO) study of the sex industry found that demand for erotic services grows as a country (or individual) becomes more affluent; therefore, overall demand is rising.

Demand for such services from women is minuscule in all cultures, and this is not due to women’s lack of economic resources.  Some poor men will find the money if necessary but affluent women are rarely tempted. The sex industry has always been highly stratified, with a diversity of services at all price levels, because male demand exists at all income levels.

Sex Work is Lucrative But Not a Cure for the Deficit

Men’s ambivalence towards women working in the sexual entertainment industry may be because women exploit men’s “weakness” effectively. Women can earn 10 – 40 times more than in conventional jobs.  The sex industry is the sine qua non of the “erotic-economic” bargain but does not significantly depress the male sexual deficit.  (See “Erotic-Economic Bargain — the Ultimate Exchange in the Mating Economy” in Dynamics in the Mating Economy – Domain #1 of Male-Female Difference.)

Cause #1 of the Deficit:  Lower Female Sex Drive

“This gap in desire between men and women is seen in every country and culture where sex surveys have been done. The received wisdom that men always want more sex than their wives is not a stereotype, but a fact.” ~ Catherine Hakim

Measure of Desire in Developed Countries

Inside Hakim’s data set, Finnish sociologist and sexologist Osmo Kontula identified (2009) 12 measures of sexual desire (see Appendix) and offers this summary of four decades of sex research in developed countries:

  • Younger men experience sexual desire twice as frequently as women.
  • Older men experience sexual desire four times as often as women in the same age group.
  • As a result, male sexual desire is compatible with the level of desire in women approximately 20 years younger.
  • Overall, male sexual desire is manifested at least twice as often as female desire, and men would like to have sex twice as often as women.
  • The gap in sexual desire between men and women grows over time.
Female Sex Drive Is More Plastic

The national surveys on sex differences around the globe are corroborated by more detailed studies of the sex drive by Roy Baumeister and other social psychologists.  Those surveys suggest the differences in sexuality between the sexes may be due to the female sex drive being more plastic, malleable, and responsive to social influences (See Cause #5 below), whereas the male sex drive is less compliant (Baumeister, 2000, 2004).

Women’s Lower Interest Is Not a Disorder

Marta Meana, clinical psychologist and researcher in women’s sexuality, concluded (2010) that discrepancies of sexual desire within relationships are the norm rather than the exception, generally due to the woman’s lower interest in sexual activity.  She says clinicians should not treat this as a sexual disorder since very few women are distressed by their lack of desire per se.  Instead, they are worried about the impact on their relationships.

Men Want More Sex Partners – More Evidence of the Deficit

Evolutionary psychologist David Schmitt (2003) studied 16,288 individuals residing in 52 nations (2003) and found sex differences to be culturally universal without a single exception.  Men said they wanted 1.87 sex partners over the next month; women wanted only .78.  Over the next decade, men said they wanted six partners on average; women said they wanted two.  In Middle East countries, such as Lebanon and Turkey, men wanted 2.5 sex partners over the next month. In South America, 35% of men wanted more than one sex partner over the next month, but only 6% of women did.  In Japan, where levels of sex drive appear to be unusually low, six times more men (18%) than women (2.6%) wanted more than one sex partner.

Sex Difference in Rates of Infidelity is Narrowing

The infidelity rate between men and women has narrowed since sexologist Alfred Kinsey found (in 1953) that twice as many men as women had experienced at least one sexual infidelity (50% vs. 26%).  Recent studies show that men cheat with a larger number of partners, and women are choosier even in this domain, typically having a single affair.  And of those women, 70% cite love or emotional connection as the key reason for the affair. This finding points more toward the mate-switching function of female infidelity than a woman’s desire for sexual variety.  (See Mate Switching Hypothesis.) Men’s affairs are more motivated by sex with someone new, especially if they have no sex at home.

Consenting to Sex with Strangers – Sex Differences

Studies of consenting to have sex with strangers found that 75% of men approached by female confederates said “yes” to the question: “will you go to bed with me tonight?”  Nearly 100% of women said “no way” to the request from male confederates.   Most men who declined asked for a raincheck.  (The first study was done in Florida in 1989; it was later replicated in Austria, Denmark, and the Netherlands.)

“The psychological and behavioral evidence all points to the same conclusion,” says Buss, “men and women differ profoundly in their desire for sexual variety.”  (As explained in Why Women Are Bored in Monogamous Relationships, a woman may need or want a variety of experiences with the same partner.)

Unfulfilled Longings 

“The large and profound sex difference in the desire for variety is not something that merely rattles around in men’s heads,” says Buss.   “Many men are burdened by lust for a variety of different women, constant cravings that cannot ever be fully satisfied.  Sexual desire sometimes bursts forth into action.”  It explains the philandering of such men like Hugh Grant, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Charlie Sheen, who had wives or girlfriends and presumedly were not experiencing much sexual deficit.  But “it also explains,” says Buss,  “the rage of ‘incels,’ whose sexual desires remain forever unfulfilled as they watch women they want from the sidelines of the mating market.”

Men Have a Higher Sex Drive – Period

“Evolution has equipped men with a higher sex drive,”  says Buss. This is reflected in several sexual adaptations:

  • Men become sexually aroused more easily than women, especially to visual stimuli.
  • Men have more frequent and spontaneous sexual fantasies.
  • Men spontaneously think about sex twice as often as women do every day.
  • Men desire to have sex more frequently than do women.
  • Men average 679 circulating units of testosterone; women’s average is a tenth of that.

“In short,” says Buss, “the gender differences in sex drive create a gap. The less interested person has more power over if and when sex will occur, and women are often less interested.”

Causes # 2 and 3 of the Deficit:  Female Choosiness and the Mating Marketplace

“Female choosiness – deciding who qualifies for interaction, relationship escalation, and sexual access is a first principle in human mating.  ~ David Buss

Women find few men “suitable” as mates.  Female “choosiness” coupled with a lower sex drive creates a severe supply and demand imbalance in the mating market that disadvantages men.  Women who are available and willing are in short supply compared to the great demand by interested men.  As a result, many men lose out or opt-out of the market, causing a vast “surplus” of male sexuality. “It is precisely this female selectivity,” says Buss, “that creates sexual conflict, sometimes expressed as resentment by those who fall below the threshold.”

Women Liked Very Few Profiles

Buss cites a study that placed 14 fake male and female profiles on Tinder and analyzed the responses to them.   Over eight thousand (8,288) men liked the female profiles, compared to just 532 women who liked the male profiles.  Although men on Tinder swiped right on hundreds of female profiles, fewer than 1% of women reciprocated that liking.

Few Women Actually On Ashley Madison

Investigative research revealed that 99% of female profiles on Ashley Madison were fake.  In reality, although there were 20 million men actively using the cheating site, only 1,492 women, less than 1% of the total user base, actively used the site.

Examples of Female Choosiness

Buss shares the story of a female friend who tried online dating.  She was described as a successful, intelligent, and attractive academic, no doubt with high mate value. She received more than 500 responses in two weeks.  However, after the end of her exhaustive screening process, she sent only one reply out of the 500.   And after a coffee date with him, “she concluded he did not exceed threshold.”  Another woman told Buss that she used Tinder and swiped right on less than .8 % of the men she saw and met only .6 % of that group, resulting in a .005 % of the total men she saw.

Attraction Disparity – the Pernicious Underbelly of the Deficit

The choosiness and caution demonstrated by women as compared to men are reiterated in Buss’s new book:  When Men Behave Badly.  Buss found that men, on average, find women more attractive than women find men attractive.  The difference is BIG!

In a study, men rated women’s attractiveness along a bell curve.  Sixty (60) percent of the women were rated by men as “average” to “very attractive.”  The women rated only 17% of the men from “average” to “attractive.”  Women rated 58% of the men as below threshold or unattractive.  Ouch.

Eons of Sexual Selection Demonstrate the Disparity

The attraction disparity is demonstrated by eons of sexual selection for the alpha male and men’s behavioral co-evolution to acquire hierarchal power and social status to be that alpha male.  Attraction disparity gives women the upper hand in the sexual marketplace.

Men Lower Their Standards

Contributing to the attractive threshold gap is men’s willingness to lower their standards for casual sexual encounters.  Men are willing to date down when it comes to sex.

Supply and Demand Forces in the Mating Marketplace

In the human mating economy, men primarily sell, and women mostly buy; this is the predominant evolutionary dynamic. Thus, the buyer (female chooser) significantly controls the marketplace.

All mate selection behaviors are driven by supply and demand forces for sexual access to the best or highest-mate-value mates.  Fertile (and consensually most “beautiful”) women are in great demand, and the supply of men interested in them creates significant differences in behavioral dynamics – leading to a multitude of male initiation strategies, misreading of signals by women (male “over-perception bias”), and a reproductive variance curve.

Most Men Want the Same Women

Simply said, roughly 80% of men compete for 20% or less of the same (highest mate value) women in the overall mating economy.  Interested men are plentiful in this market (as driven by biological-hormonal imperatives), and receptive women are scarce.   Supply and demand forces skew odds in favor of female choice and dramatically work against the odds of a man being chosen.

Pursuer and Pursued “Are Not” The Same People

The 180% difference between a buyer and a seller in the mating-sexual economy is dramatic in its psychological impact.   It affects motivation, the origination of desire, perceptions of risk and safety, and ultimately the experience of sexual scarcity or abundance.

The psychology (lived experience) of the sexual initiator and pursuer is vastly different than the psychology of the one pursued and the one who chooses among her pursuers.  This general difference between men and women cannot be overstated. (See “We Are Not the Same People” in Appendix)

Mate Value is the “Currency” of the Deficit

Mate value (and assessed mate value trajectory of men) rules the marketplace.  Men with resources, status, and larger physical attributes (especially height) have greater mate value than men who do not.  Women’s mate value is primarily determined by physical characteristics of beauty, waist-to-hip ratio, and other signals of fertility.  Mate value drives the initial mate selection process.  Mate value includes elements of character and other preferred traits as courtship continues into the period of relationship maintenance.   But human sexuality is primarily designed to choose and access sexual partners, not keep them over time.

“In or Out of Your League”

It is no accident that we commonly rate ourselves and others on a “1-10” point scale.  While there is a tendency for both sexes to over-rate vs. under-rate themselves, we generally know if our desired partner is “in or out of our league.”   If we are a “7,” we strive to bargain successfully for a “7-9.”   Men, especially, who know they are seen as a “5” or below, lust hopelessly after unattainable women who are a “9” or “10.”  This understandable tendency is biologically, not rationally inspired.  There is painful despondency for both sexes related to the invisibility of low mate value.

Reproductive Variance – There Has Always Been a Male Sexual Deficit

“Reproductive variance” refers to the variability of reproductive success for human males and females.  More women have sex and reproduce in the general population than do men, as shown by genetic studies.  For men, the difference between men who did not reproduce (the have-nots) and the men who reproduced prolifically (the haves) is very wide.   For women, there is much less variance; most women reproduce, and the number of children they have is constrained by their biology.

Most Men are Losers in the Mating Game

DNA studies by Jason Wilder and colleagues revealed that approximately 80% of women in human history have reproduced compared to about 40% of men.  The human population is descended from twice as many women as men.

Male Sexual Deficit and Female Choice

The male sexual deficit is an expected “collateral damage” of female preferential mate choice.   Men operate as best they can within this power imbalance, and women use their “erotic capital” (a term coined by Hakim, see Appendix) to achieve their mating objectives.

Less Deficit On Campus

There are now fewer men than women on U.S. college campuses.  That gives those men a sex-ratio advantage and works against a pervasive male sexual deficit.  A sexual deficit remains for the male “losers” of mate competition on college campuses, but some men are getting laid right now that might not have 10 to 15 years ago.

Misperceptions About Mate Value – An Artifact of the Deficit

People differ profoundly in how desirable or valued they are on the mating market.  Differences in desirability create havoc in at least two fundamental ways, according to Buss.  The first centers around misperceptions.  Although both men and women can err in their self-perceived mate value, research shows that men are more likely than women to be overconfident in a variety of domains.

Men experience higher self-esteem than women – a sex difference that emerges at puberty. Men have higher estimates than women of their physical attractiveness.  Consequently, men are more likely to err in overestimating their desirability on the mating market.

Some Men Are Dumb and Dumber

                                    “So you are telling me there is a chance?”  Lloyd, Dumb and Dumber

In the movie Dumb and Dumber, Lloyd (Jim Carey) asks Mary (who is comically out of his league), “so what are my chances?  “Not good,” she says.  “You mean not good like one in a hundred,” Llyod optimistically inquires. “No, not good like one out of a million,” Mary concedes. Nevertheless, Lloyd’s optimism is undeterred.  He thinks he has a chance.

The over-perception bias among men – a belief that women may be interested in them, is a much-studied tenet of mate selection and is related to error management theory.  It is better to lose a potential mating opportunity with a direct pursuit (a false positive) than lose an opportunity by not trying (a false negative).

Everybody Wants the Best Deal in the Mating Market

According to researchers Bruch and Newman (2018), both sexes pursue partners in the mating market who are 25% more desirable than they are.  One of Buss’s colleagues asked, “why am I being pestered by men I don’t care about, but the men I am genuinely attracted to seem to show so little interest in me?”  Buss told his colleague that she is an “8” chasing after “10s” but being pursued by “6s.”

Cause #4 of the Deficit:  Women Do Not Want the “Kind of Sex” Being Offered

Repetitious, unimaginative sex by a long-term partner may produce relative boredom, disinterest, and reduced sexual activity by women.  See post Why Women Are Bored in Monogamous Relationships for discussion of this cause of the male sexual deficit.

Cause # 5 of the Deficit:  Female Sexual Fluidity is Growing

Female sexual fluidity is growing. There is an increase in the percentage of women who identify as lesbian or bi-sexual in practice.   Women are turning away from men for romance and connection; they prefer the company of women for a variety of socio-cultural reasons (e.g., memes of “toxic masculinity and the “me-too” movement).

Liberal Generation Zs – An Increasingly Fluid Population

A recent Gallup poll found one in six (15.9%) Generation Z adults (ages 18-23) identify as LGBTQ.  LGBTQ identification is lower in each older generation, including 2% or less of respondents born before 1965.  Young people who are politically liberal identify as LGBTQ at astronomical rates.  Gallup found nearly thirty-one percent (30.7) percent of Gen Z liberal adults identified as LGBTQ.

This phenomenon and female sexual fluidity is an extremely important topic for one or more future posts on this site.

Buss Disputes Male Sexual Deficit as Source of Sexual Coercion

Buss disputes that the male sexual deficit is the primary source of sexual coercion – an idea called the “male deprivation hypothesis” studied by evolutionary psychologists. Buss shares his research findings and a prolific body of research in his new book When Men Behave Badly.  Sexual coercion is more often perpetrated by high-status males than by low-status males suffering from a sexual deficit. (Buss disagrees with Hakim’s assertions on this point.)

Buss would agree that the male sexual deficit is a contributing cause of infidelity and the demand for commercial sex services because it triggers the powerful motivation by men for sexual variety.  From zero sex partners in a “dead bedroom” marriage to one or more partners outside of that marriage is a significant improvement in sexual variety.

But Male Violence and Sexual Deficit May be Linked

There is compelling evidence that overall male aggression, violence by so-called “incels” (involuntary celibate men), and mass shootings are linked to a lack of sexual relationships, male loneliness, and a condition of low status. Low status is perhaps the most salient, but all three are related.  This topic deserves separate treatment in this space and will be done along with a review of Buss’s books When Men Behave Badly and The Murderer Next Door.  Suffice to say, Hakim and evolutionary psychologists may agree on the general point about violence and the male sexual deficit.

Future Trends of the Male Sex Deficit

According to Hakim, several factors suggest that the male sex deficit will not disappear and might even grow in the 21st century:

  • A decline in the frequency of sexual intercourse (inside and outside marriage) in Britain, the USA, Germany, Finland, Japan and other countries.
  • Women’s increasing economic independence allows them to withdraw from sexual markets and relationships that they perceive to offer unfair bargains, especially if they do not want children.
  • Changes in national sex ratios towards a numerical surplus of men help women re-set the rules in developed societies. (I am dismissive of the influence of more males as an important driver of the male sexual deficit. There would be a deficit even if the sexes were equal in numbers.  Female preferential choice primarily determines the deficit.)
Conclusions

According to Catherine Hakim, the male sexual deficit in developed societies is an indisputable, universal social fact of growing importance.  The research appears to support this conclusion.

Evolutionary psychologists believe the male sexual deficit is predicted by female preferential choice in mate selection.  Also, the sexual deficit among heterosexual men helps explain why men are the principal customers for commercial sexual entertainment, most likely to have affairs, and engage in some forms of violence.

References

Anderson, E. (2012).  The Monogamy Gap:  Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating.

Baumeister, R. (2000). “Gender differences in erotic plasticity: The female sex drive as socially flexible and responsive.”  Psychological Bulletin 126 (3): 347-374.

Baumeister, R. (2004). “Gender and erotic plasticity: Sociocultural influences on the sex drive.”  Sexual and Relationship Therapy. 19: 133-139.

Bruch, E.E. and Newman,  M.E.J. “Aspirational pursuit of mates in online dating markets.”  Science Advances, 4, no. 8 (2018).

Donnelly, D; (1993).  “Sexually inactive marriages;” The Journal of Sex Research, Vol. 30, Issue 2.

Kontula, O. (2009). “Between Sexual Desire and Reality: The Evolution of Sex in Finland.” Population Research Institute, Helsinki.

Meana, M. (2010). “Elucidating a women’s (hetero) sexual desire: definitional challenges and content expansion.”  Journal of Sex Research,  47 (2-3): 104-122.

Mustanski, B. (2011)  “How often do men and women think about sex?”  Psychology Today, December 6.

Peplau, LA. (2003). “Human Sexuality: How do men and women differ?” Current Directions in Psychological Science 12 (2): 37-40.

Schmitt, D.P.  “Universal sex differences in the desire for sexual variety: Tests from 52 nations, 6 continents, and 13 islands.”  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85, no. 1 (2003).

Appendix

Kontula’s 12 Measures of Sexual Desire

  1. thoughts, fantasies, and spontaneous arousal
  2. desired frequency of sex
  3. desired number of sexual partners
  4. frequency of masturbation
  5. continuous willingness to engage in sex
  6. the emergence of sexual desire in youth
  7. seeking out experiences and initiating them
  8. desiring a variety of experiences
  9. investing resources for sex
  10. attitudes favorable to sexuality
  11. infrequent absence of sexual desire
  12. self-assessed degree of desire

Catherine Hakim

Catherine Hakim is a British sociologist who specializes in women’s employment and women’s issues.  She is currently a Professorial Research Fellow at the Institute for the Study of Civil Society (Civitas). She has published over 100 articles in academic journals and over a dozen textbooks and research monographs. 

Hakim is best known for her criticisms of many feminist assumptions about women’s employment.  Her “preference theory” seeks to provide an empirically based predictive explanation for the differentiated choices women make between paid productive work and unpaid “reproductive” work in affluent modern societies.

Hakim defines “erotic capital” as an individual’s beauty, sexual attractiveness, enhanced social integration, liveliness, social presentation, sexuality, and fertility that can provide opportunities to advance in life. Hakim says erotic capital plays a subconscious role in daily life decisions, such as career offerings, enrichment opportunities, and social networking.    Hakim asserts that current dating apps and subsequent decisions for marriage are driven by a woman’s erotic capital and a man’s economic capital.   (I have named this the erotic-economic bargain.)

David Buss

David Buss is a professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin.  He is the author of leading textbooks on evolutionary psychology,  The Evolution of Desire, The Dangerous Passion, The Murderer Next Door, and Why Women Have Sex, co-authored with Cindy Meson.  His most recent book is When Men Behave Badly – The Hidden Roots of Sexual Deception, Harassment, and Assault.  Buss has written for multiple publications and received numerous awards, including designation as one of the fifty most influential psychologists in the world.

We Are Not the Same People
(Steven Fearing, 2010)

You are the people of the Adored

I am the people of the Longing. 

We are not the same kind of people at all.

You are the people who receive the desire;

I am the people who feel the desire like a wound in my body. 

You are the people who receive “gifts”.

I am the people who fight other men in the material world so that gifts may be given. 

You are the people (who are not fat or ugly) who live in the act of choosing.  I am of the people who hope to be chosen.

You are of the people who choose when you want love and sex.

I am of the people who wait with longing to be chosen.

You are the people who enjoy the adoration of 50 offers.

I am of the people who are mostly lost, one among the 49 others.

You are the people who receive the gifts and the offers with no risk.

I am of the people who must constantly risk and suffer the feedback of a hundred offers avoided, discounted, or rebuked.

You are of the people who speak of no jealousy because you rarely lose love to another person who was chosen instead, and because 50 more offers to you await your response.

I am of the people who have lost you to another person many times.  That wound in my heart is a gaping, angry hole.

Sometimes the people of the longing try to fill the hole with God, with service, with drugs, or a belief in the possibility of a transformed world. The people of the longing try to fill the hole with meaning.  It rarely works to stop the longing. 

You are the people of the adored.  I am the people of the longing. 

We are not the same people.

 

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Once the Flirting Is Over – Humor in Ongoing Relationships

Once the Flirting Is Over – Humor in Ongoing Relationships

by | Mar 2, 2021 | Dating & Mating Economy, Humor, Relationship Issues, Tips for Couples

   It was the way you laughed….I knew I wanted that in my life. ~ R.M. Drake

Humor is valued for mates worldwide.  There is abundant cross-cultural evidence that being funny makes you more desirable as a mate, especially if you are a man.  Humor production by men signals creativity, playfulness, mental health, potential generosity, intelligence, and genetic fitness.  During courtship, men produce humor to attract women. 

For courtship and mate selection, women prefer men who make them laugh and men like women who laugh at their jokes.  Women want a humor “generator.”  Men want a humor “appreciator.”  But once the initial flirting and choosing are over and you are in an ongoing romantic relationship, how large a role does humor play?

Laughter as Medicine in Human Relating

Humor in ongoing relationships rests on a foundation of general benefits to human beings. In addition to being a  “signal device” for mate selection,  humor and laughter have a two-fold purpose:

1. Physical benefits: laughter releases endorphins (“feel-good” neurotransmitters), boosts immunity, relaxes muscles, aids circulation, increases oxygen to the brain, lowers anxiety, and protects against heart disease.  (After his heart attack, Norman Cousins purportedly extended his life ten years by watching the antics of the Marx Brothers.)

2. Emotional benefits: laughter bonds people through prosocial behavior and is remarkably contagious as a distinguishing feature among human beings.  Robert Provine, Ph.D., University of Maryland, says laughter is more about relationships than humor.

Humor in Established Relationships 

When it comes to long-term relationships and marriage, both men and women may be equally motivated to be funny.  Humor on the part of both partners affects the quality of their relationship.  

Soothing Each Other vs. Winning a Mate

There is a difference between winning a mate and keeping a mate.  As a relationship develops, humor becomes more about soothing each other and less about winning each other.  The typical sex roles in humor tend to reverse. 

Humor Styles in Relationships

Humor researcher Rod Martin developed the widely-used Humor Styles Questionnaire to assess how people use humor in their daily life.  This assessment identifies four humor styles:

1. Affiliative humor: the tendency to share humor with others, tell jokes and funny stories, make others laugh, and use humor to facilitate relationships and put others at ease.

2. Self-enhancing humor: the tendency to maintain a humorous outlook on life even when alone and use humor to cope with stress and “cheer-up” oneself.

3. Aggressive humor: the tendency to use humor to disparage, put down, or manipulate others; use ridicule, offensive humor; potentially use sexist or racist jokes.

4. Self-defeating humor:  the tendency to amuse others at one’s own expense, self-disparaging humor; laughing along with others when being ridiculed or teased; using humor to hide one’s true feelings from self and others.

Affiliative Humor is Satisfying

Martin and research colleagues recorded couples having live conversations and found that affiliative humor was associated with relationship satisfaction, whereas aggressive humor was related to relationship dissatisfaction.

Humor Diffuses Conflict in Married Couples

Relationship expert John Gottman found that when humor plays a role in diffusing tension and conflict, marriages tend to last longer. Additional studies show that people who joke with their spouses in everyday situations tend to be happier in their marriage than couples who don’t.

A playful and humorous frame of mind (“self-enhancing” style) is protective, even when spouses disagree about what they find funny.

Male Humor During Stress May Be Harmful

Psychologists Thomas Bradbury of the University of California, Los Angeles and Catherine Cohan of Pennsylvania State University analyzed the marriages of 60 couples over 18 months.  They found the use of humor by men during the time of significant life stressors, such as job loss or a death in the family, was associated with adverse relationship outcomes. According to Bradbury and Cohan, when the man used humor during times of stress, couples experienced a greater incidence of divorce and separation than couples in which the woman reverted to humor under such circumstances.  They speculated that the more aggressive humor of males might be inappropriate in stressful situations. 

Humor to Calm the Husband

In a similar study with 130 married couples, a wife’s use of humor predicted greater marital stability over six years, but only if the humor led to a decrease in the husband’s heart rate.   If humor calms husbands, then it might be beneficial to marriages.   Perhaps the more soothing style of female humor serves to better bond partners during these times.   

Sex Difference in Use of Humor

These two studies show the disparate function of humor for men and women. For men, humor might serve as a way to distract from dealing with problems in the relationship, perhaps in an attempt to reduce their anxiety. On the other hand, women may use humor to create a more relaxed atmosphere that can facilitate reconciliation.

It appears male humor is better designed to win attention and affection, while female humor is better designed to maintain affection.

Humorous Partner Remains More Important to Women

In a study conducted with 3,000 married couples from five countries (United States, United Kingdom, China, Turkey, and Russia), both husbands and wives were happier with a humorous partner.  Still, this trait was reported to be more important for the marital satisfaction of the wives than the husbands.  (Thus, male humor remains important to women after courtship and mate selection.)   Interestingly, both husbands and wives thought that the husband was humorous more often.  Married couples overwhelmingly say that humor has a positive impact on their marriages.  This study also found that couples with fewer children laugh more than couples with a larger number of children.  

Men Who Enjoy Women’s Humor May Be More Secure

To say that men don’t seek a funny mate is “painting with a broad brush,” says Don Nilsen, a linguistics professor at Arizona State University and humor expert.  Nilsen argues that men who appreciate their female partner’s humor are usually more secure, mature, and educated than the average guy. They hold their mates in high esteem and aren’t intimidated.  A woman would do well to find a man who enjoys her humor, says Nilsen, because that’s an indication of his own self-esteem and willingness to be supportive.

Fear, Joy, and the Pleasure of Ridiculing Others

Researchers Kay Brauer and René T. Proyer studied 154 heterosexual couples and identified three traits around humor that predict both positive and negative outcomes for relationship satisfaction:

1. Fear of being laughed at (gelotophobia)

2. Joy of being laughed at (gelotophilia) 

3. Pleasure derived from laughing or ridiculing others (katagelasticism).

Joy of Being Laughed At Can Be Positive

As reported in the Journal of Research in Personality (2018), Brauer and Proyer found that women who liked being teased (gelotophilia) showed greater fascination, appreciation, and sense of togetherness with their male partners.  Brauer and Proyer argue that women enjoy playfulness from men if it is not ridiculing; it is seen as an indicator of lower aggression. 

But Teasing is Not Good for Gelotophobes

People who don’t enjoy being teased don’t thrive among those who are “funny” by nature. They (gelotophobes) tend to distrust “lightness or silliness,” says Proyer, making them prone to disagreements with their partners based on misunderstandings and misinterpretations.  Proyer advises gelotophobes to date people with similar personalities while also trying to build up “more positive experiences with laughter.” 

Sexual Satisfaction and Humor Traits

Bauer and Proyer also reported that male partners were less satisfied with their sex life if their partner was afraid of being laughed at.  Apparently their partner’s insecurities make them less appealing. In contrast, women who loved being laughed at were more attracted to and enjoyed higher sexual satisfaction with their partner.

Pair Up With a Similar Comedic Sensibility

Fundamentally, Proyer suggests it may be best if people pair up with those who have a similar comedic sensibility. If they are aligned, no matter how funny or somber they are, they’re more likely to have a workable relationship.

What Does Sense of Humor Mean?

When people say that they want to be with someone who has a sense of humor, they don’t necessarily mean someone who laughs at the same things. They mean someone who has a positive attitude and can see good where others might tend to see the negative, complain or feel overwhelmed.  They want someone with a “self-enhancing” style.

Being Attracted to the Same Type of Humor is a Bonus

Although not a deal-breaker, relationships may be enhanced if partners are attracted to the same kinds of humor.

We found that married couples who shared a similar style of humor tended to have happier and more successful relationships in their first few years of marriage.  ~ Study by eharmony 

Types of Humor – Which Ones Do You Share With Your Partner?

According to research by the dating site eharmony and a comedy training offered online (Udemy) by Phillipe Schaffer, there are approximately 12 types of humor.  They are not mutually exclusive; they often present in combination.  What do you and your partner find funny?  

The Not-So-Dirty Funny Dozen

1. Physical humor:
Also referred to as slapstick, this type of humor involves physicality – from clowns to mimes to funny facial expressions to someone falling over.

2. Self-deprecating humor:
This type is a favorite among stand-up comedians; making yourself the butt of a joke.

3. Surreal humor:

This humor is weird, with illogical events, absurd situations, or nonsensical themes. Or just plain silly.  It may include a non-sequitur (inference that does follow logically).

 4. Improvisational humor:

This is comedy without a plan — jokes made up on the spot. 

 5. Wit-Wordplay humor:

This type of humor uses a play on words — twisting language around with humorous results.  Puns are a typical example of wordplay.

 6. Satire:

Satire uses irony, sarcasm, and caricature to highlight real-life vices and flaws.    (Irony is saying something and meaning the opposite; or an outcome that is the opposite of what is expected.)

5. Parody:

Parody humor mocks something through imitation and may use elements of satire (such as sarcasm and irony). 

6. Topical humor:
Topical humor is based on current events or trends (Saturday Night Live, especially Weekend Update).  Most sketch comedy shows or late-night talk shows are topical. 

7. Observational humor:
This humor pokes fun at everyday life.   Jokes about sex and relationships are often observational and highlight uncomfortable or embarrassing truths.

10. Bodily humor:
This humor has everything to do with bodily functions. It tends to be popular with men and teenagers.

11. Dark humor: 
Also called black comedy or gallows humor, this type involves serious, morbid, or depressing themes and often uses deadpan, self-deprecation, or satire to mock a terrible situation or possibility.

“Cremation: my last hope for a smoking hot body.”

12.   Deadpan humor:
Dry humor, defined more by its delivery – with no change in emotion.  The incongruence of the delivery to the content is what is funny.

Sense of Humor Mismatch

Not sharing a sense of humor isn’t always a problem for couples, but it can be. If you and your partner don’t usually find the same things funny, watch for the signs (below) of serious incompatibility.

If your partner doesn’t get your jokes, that is one thing.  But if you feel like your partner doesn’t get “you,” that is another, much more serious, issue. Your partner doesn’t have to sit on the couch and laugh at Saturday Night Live with you, but if they sigh and roll their eyes every time they see you watching Saturday Night Live, you could have a problem.

Aggressive Humor Against Partner is a Bad Sign

You definitely have a problem if your partner’s sense of humor frequently makes you feel:

  • insecure
  • put down, judged, or devalued
  • patronized
  • excluded
  • offended

If you often feel this way when your partner is trying to be funny (or, incidentally, at other times), you should question how compatible you truly are and whether this relationship is healthy for you. 

What’s the bottom line about love and laughing?

Whether your relationship works well probably has less to do with whether you always laugh at the same things than whether you:

  • communicate well
  • respect and affirm each other
  • find each other attractive
  • enjoy spending time together
  • resolve your differences effectively

If you don’t share a sense of humor, but you love being with your partner, take heart!  Your relationship is probably on solid ground. Over time, you may even find yourself laughing at more of the same things. Humor compatibility and shared jokes often develop organically over time.

Humor Created Together

Humor created by a couple together may be more important than appreciating humor overall.

Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas looked at the results of 39 studies on humor that included over 15 thousand people and couples worldwide. 

Hall found that what matters is the humor that couples create together: sharing funny stories about your day, remembering things you think your partner would find funny, or having a storehouse of inside jokes.  It’s not about being a great comedian, but finding what’s funny in every day and enjoying it together.

The bottom line is it is good to have humor.  It’s better to see it in your partner. And it’s best to share it.

 Humor for Mate Selection and Relationship Maintenance – Overview
chart describing humor in human mating
References

Cohan, C.L., & Bradbury, T. N. (1997)  “Negative life events, marital interaction, and the longitudinal course of newlywed marriage.”  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 73(1), 144-128.

Li, N. et al. (2009). “An evolutionary perspective on humor: Sexual selection or interest indication?”  Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 35, 923-936.

 Martin, R.A. (2006). The Psychology of Humor: An Integrative Approach.

Campbell, L., Martin, R.A., & Ward, J.A. (2008).  “An observational study of humor used during a conflict discussion.  Personal Relationships, 15, 41-55.

Appendix
Summary of Prior Post – Humor and Sexual Selection
  • Humor is valued for mates worldwide.
  • Men produce humor to attract women. Men are motivated to be funny.
  • Humor production by men signals creativity, playfulness, mental health, potential generosity, intelligence, and genetic fitness.
  • Women want a humor “generator.” Men want a humor “appreciator.”
  • Men find women more attractive when they laugh.
  • Females are more discriminating (more “choosey”) than men about humor.
  • Female laughter is a signal of sexual interest.
  • Judgments of humor are affected by the person’s initial attraction and interest.
  • Humor is most effective if a person (she) is already attracted to the person (man).
  • Synchronized laughter predicted mutual attraction, but the amount of female laughter predicted the level of interest in dating.
  • Women do not have a preference for humorous female friends.
  • When ovulating, women may prefer funny “poor” men for short-term liaisons over non-funny (richer) men.
  • Women laugh more generally, and both sexes laugh more at men.
  • In mixed company, women tease more generally and direct more teasing toward men.
  • Aggressive humor by women may be a threat to men.
  • Women and men are equally funny and appreciate humor equally.
  • Women use more stories, narratives, puns, and self-deprecating humor.
  • Men use more one-liners and physical/active humor.
  • Men tease other men to gain the upper hand; men use humor to derogate rivals.
  • Men who cause other men to laugh in mixed company have increased status.
  • Self-deprecating humor is considered most attractive, especially for a high-status man.
  • Sarcasm or ridicule of others is considered the least attractive humor.
  • Humor increases the attraction of a less physically attractive man or a man of low status.
  • Verbal intelligence and humor predicted an increase in lifetime sexual partners for men.
  • Women initiate sex more with funny men and have more sex with funny men.
  • Sex with humorous men increased the likelihood of female orgasm.

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Humor and Sexual Selection

Humor and Sexual Selection

by | Feb 15, 2021 | Dating & Mating Economy, Humor, Sexuality

“Women tend to prefer men who make them laugh, whereas men prefer women who laugh at their jokes.” *

In my last post about Tiger Woods, I examined the role of storytelling, art, music, dance, athleticism, and humor in sexual selection. Women select for those traits in men. These expressions of creativity signal genetic fitness because they are relatively rare in the human population.

Today’s post will put the microscope on humor. I will examine the influential role that humor plays in sexual selection – why humor production is a mating trait preference. In my next post (March 2), I will address how humor affects ongoing relationships; humor for established couples is different from the role of humor in selecting a mate (courtship). In other future posts, we will laugh together at displays of humor about the dynamics of sex, dating and relationships. For now, see my earlier post, Sex Can Be Funny: https://www.matingstraighttalk.com/sex-can-be-funny-50-humorous-quotes-volume-1/.

Here are a few random quips to warm you up before I go all nerdy:
  • “Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.” ~ Oscar Wilde
  • “It’s been so long since I have had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.” ~ Joan Rivers
  • “I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.” ~ Woody Allen
  • “A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he is not very bright.” ~ Lucille Ball
  • “You’d be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap.” ~ Dolly Parton
  • “Good girls go to heaven, and bad girls go everywhere.” ~ Helen Gurley Brown
Laughter is Universal in Our Species

Laughter is universal within our species; it manifests in distinct facial and vocal expressions. Laughter emerges spontaneously during childhood and is intensely pleasurable. It shows all the hallmarks of a psychological adaptation – a fundamental building block of our evolutionary past.

Humor is Valued for Mates Worldwide

Humor is an integral part of mate choice. A robust finding in evolutionary psychology research is the value that people worldwide place on a good sense of humor. Females demonstrate more appreciation of humor than men; these differences begin in early childhood and appear to reflect differences in sexual choosiness.

Sexual Selection Is No Joke

Evolutionary psychologist, Geoffrey Miller (The Mating Mind), argues that the “humor divide” is best understood as a result of sexual selection. Women are the choosier sex, and because they prefer funny men—a signal of cognitive fitness—men learned to deploy humor and wit to attract a mate and to outsmart other men.

Humor and creativity researcher Scott Barry Kaufman of New York University believes sexual selection explains why the use of humor is important in the initial stages of a relationship: “When you have little else to go on, a witty person who uses humor in a clever, original way is signaling quite a lot of information, including intelligence, creativity, and even aspects of their personality such as playfulness and openness to experience.”

Comedy Reveals Capacity for Creativity

A capacity for comedy reveals a capacity for creativity. It plays upon our intense love of novelty (neophilia), says Miller. “Creativity is a reliable indicator of intelligence, energy, youth, and proteanism (ability to change shape). Humor is attractive, and that is why it evolved.”

Class Clowns Are Male

Have you ever wondered why class clowns are virtually always male? Documented differences in the ways the sexes use and respond to humor explain this and other humor-related phenomena. Humor plays a role in relationships from the initial flirtation through long-term commitment. Knowing the differences in how men and women process and use humor serves one well in all situations involving the opposite sex.

Male Courtship Humor

Males produce humor in courtship much more than females, according to researcher Jennifer Hay and are more likely than females to produce verbal humor in informal social settings, according to Helga Kotthoff. This research suggests that females, on average, are more discriminating than men when it comes to humor and that men, on average, are more motivated to be funny.

Men produce humor to be chosen by women. As explained in my prior post, men produce humor (and everything else) “to get laid.”

Humor Attracts Women

Studies from the David Buss’ Evolutionary Psychology Lab revealed that displaying a good sense of humor is the single more effective tactic men can use to attract women. Women are attracted to men who produce humor because (at the most surface level) laughing elicits a positive mood. Humor is very agreeable and is linked to the traits of generosity and willingness.

Humor for Potential Genetic Benefit

Evolutionary psychologists have also theorized that a sense of humor is a sign of intellect and healthy genes. Women are the more selective sex due to the burdens associated with pregnancy and thus are attracted to funny men because of the genetic benefit that could be bestowed upon potential offspring.

Woman Want a Humor Generator

According to Eric Bressler, a psychologist at McMaster University in Canada, men and women don’t mean the same thing when they say they value humor in a long-term partner. His research manipulated how funny both men and women appeared on paper. Subjects were asked to choose a potential date of the opposite sex. Bressler found that women want a man who is a humor “generator,” while men seek a humor “appreciator.”

Female Laughter is a Signal of Sexual Interest

The allure of male humor is so strong that female laughter may have evolved as a signal of sexual interest—picture a woman’s girlish giggles as she flirts with a man at a bar. Indeed, a German study found that when male and female strangers engaged in natural conversation, the degree to which a woman laughed while talking to a man was indicative of her interest in dating him. How much the woman laughed also predicted the man’s desire to date her.

Someone Who Makes Me Laugh — Someone Who Laughs at My Jokes

In Bressler’s study, men expressed no preference for funny women, but women tended to choose more humorous men as partners. Rod Martin of the University of Western Ontario elaborated on this discrepancy between the preferences of the sexes when he said, “Although both sexes say they want a sense of humor, in our research, women interpreted this as ‘someone who makes me laugh,’ and men wanted ‘someone who laughs at my jokes.’”

Bressler says his study indicates that humor likely developed through sexual selection because it is most desirable in romantic relationships. Women don’t seem to care about a friend’s sense of humor, whether male or female. He and fellow researcher Sigal Balshine found that although women rated funny men as better potential partners and more friendly, fun, and popular, they didn’t have the same preference for humorous women as potential friends.

Women Seek Funny Men in Personal Ads

Humor is a human trait important enough to have its abbreviation (GSOH) in personal ads. Psychology professor Robert Provine at the University of Maryland analyzed more than 3,000 singles ads and found that women were more likely to tout their humor appreciation ability whereas men were more likely to describe their ample humor-production ability. Women who posted personal ads sought a partner who could make them laugh twice as frequently as they offered to be the source of humor. However, men offered to be the provider of humor a third more than they sought it in a partner.

Fertile Women Choose Creative Men for Short-term Liaisons

An interesting study examined the desirability of funny men to ovulating women. Conducted in 2006 by Geoffrey Miller and Martie Haselton, female subjects read descriptions of poor but creative men and wealthy but uncreative men and rated each man’s desirability. Miller and Haselton found that women chose poor creative men twice as often as wealthy uncreative men for short-term relationships during times of high fertility. In low fertility days of their menstrual cycle, women shifted their preferences to males who offered resources.

This supports the idea that displays of creativity, at least in the short-term, act as good gene indicators.

Women Laugh More and Both Sexes Laugh More at Men

In another study, Provine observed social interaction in various public urban spaces while studying spontaneous conversation, ultimately recording 1,200 “laugh episodes” (comments that elicit a laugh from the speaker or listener). In examining the episodes, he found that women laugh significantly more than men, and that both men and women laugh more at men than at women.

Men Find Women More Attractive When They Laugh

In addition to the attraction women feel toward funny men, men find women more attractive when they laugh. Laughter signifies enjoyment and interest, or connection and understanding — all desirable qualities in a potential mate.

But Men and Women Are Equally Funny

Although men consistently garner the most laughs, research has repeatedly shown men and women to be equally funny when it comes to humor production. Researchers conclude that men are not funnier than women but are just more motivated to showcase their humor.

Ph.D. student Kim Edwards of the University of Western Ontario arrived at this conclusion following a 2009 study in which men and women were rated on the funniness of captions they created (produced) for single-frame cartoons. Edwards found that men and women created a similar number of highly rated captions. (Edwards also concluded that the greater laughter garnered by men was more a consequence of social factors than a sign of a superior capacity for humor.)

Women and Men Also Appreciate Humor Equally

Women and men also score very similarly on tests of humor appreciation. Psychiatrist Alan Reiss of Stanford University scanned male and female subjects’ brains while they rated 30 cartoons for humor. Women and men rated the cartoons in the same order of funniness, indicating equal amounts of humor appreciation.

Men and Women Are Funny In Different Ways

Men and women are both funny, but in different ways that the opposite sex sometimes finds unfunny. While women tend to share humorous stories and take a narrative approach, men more commonly use one-liners and engage in slapstick. While women tend to use puns, self-deprecating humor, and wordplay, men are more inclined to use physical and active humor.

Men Tease to “One-up” Other Men

Psychologist Jennifer Hay taped group conversations and found that men were more likely to tease and try to “one-up” other men in their use of humor. But according to research conducted by Martin Lampert of Holy Names University and Susan Ervin-Tripp of the University of California, men teased significantly less when in the presence of women.

Women Tease Men More in Mixed Company

After analyzing 59 conversations, Lampert and Ervin-Tripp found that in mixed company, women actually teased more than men and directed their teasing toward the men. Women became less self-deprecating while the men laughed at themselves more — a kind of reversal of the typical sex-specific humor tendencies. Lambert and Ervin-Tripp concluded that men reduce teasing with women present out of a concern that it might repel them, while women become more assertive around men to counter feelings of vulnerability and gain equal footing with them.

Self-deprecation vs. Ridicule of Others

Anthropologist Gil Greengross studies the role humor plays in flirtation and seduction. Of all the humor styles, self-deprecating humor was perceived as the most attractive. Self-deprecating humor reduces tension and indicates a nonthreatening stance that puts others at ease. The opposite of self-deprecating humor, and therefore the most unattractive kind, is sarcasm or ridicule directed at others. Humor that comes at the expense of someone else’s feelings divides rather than bonds. Although it might elicit a laugh or two, the research indicates those laughs will not be there for long.

Female Laughter Determines Level of Attraction

Psychologists Karl Grammer and Irenaus Eibl-Eibesfeldt of the Ludwig Boltzmann Institute for Urban Ethology demonstrated that laughter can be a very accurate source for determining the level of attraction between people. After studying mixed group conversations and the subjects’ level-of-attractiveness ratings, the researchers found that the amount of female laughter accurately predicted the level of attraction between both partners. A woman who laughs at a man’s jokes indicates an interest in him, and this indication of interest can spur even further interest on the part of the man.

Synchronized Laughter Means Mutual Attraction

According to Grammer and Eibl-Eibesfeldt, the amount of synchronized laughter during spontaneous male/female conversations predicted initial mutual attraction, but the amount of laughter the woman produced was most predictive of mutual interest in actually dating. Woman’s laughter is a useful index of humor appreciation and has an impact in a mating context.

Are We Sure That Humor and Intelligence Are Correlated?

Humor and intelligence appear to be significantly correlated according to long-standing theories and studies within evolutionary psychology. Humor is seen as an honest signal of intelligence, and humor ability is thought to have evolved due to sexual selection through mate choice.

However, Jeffrey Hall, a professor in Communication Studies at the University of Kansas, concluded from his studies that “the evidence isn’t there that humor used by men is perceived as intelligent by women, nor is the link between intelligence and humor strong.” Hall asserted that women like humor because of “good timing, self-deprecation, playfulness, flintiness, and being inviting.” None of that is intellectual, he says. Perhaps that last point is debatable.

Humor is a Signal of Mental Health

Building on Hall’s insights, humor may also signal a person’s openness to experience, extraversion, and sociability (as explained by Scott Kaufman above). Tucker Max and Geoffrey Miller (Mate) say the ability to be funny or having a sense of humor is a signal of mental health, which is quite important to women. “Making fun of yourself shows a resilient self-confidence that narcissists, psychopaths, and depressed people don’t have,” they explain.

Humor Is Most Effective If Already Attracted

Humor is most effective if the potential mate is already attracted to the person attempting the humor. Norman Li found that both males and females reported initiating humor and laughter at someone’s jokes when they were already attracted to the individual but not when they were not already attracted to the person.

Humorous Halo Effect

Indeed, judgments of humor are affected by a person’s initial attraction and interest. Researchers have found that initial attraction to a person led to greater perceptions of interpersonal warmth from that person’s humor. This perception of warmheartedness could be a “halo effect” – when one trait is used to make an overall judgment of that person or thing. Evolutionary psychologist David Buss shared an amusing aside during a talk about the trait of physical attractiveness and humor: “It is very interesting that women find Brad Pitt ‘just hilarious’.”

Humor and Status

Li says that humor is a powerful tool in mating intelligence for the relatively unattractive or men who are lower in social status. On the flip side, if you are high in social status, then self-deprecating humor may be your most valuable tool in the mating marketplace.

Humor Production Predicts Number of Sexual Partners

There is evidence that humor is related to mating outcomes. In a sample of 400 university students, Gil Greengross and Geoffrey Miller found that general intelligence and verbal intelligence both predicted humor-production ability, which in turn predicted the number of lifetime sexual partners.

Humor and Social Proofing

In a study by Nicolas Gueguen, men who produced humor were three times more likely to get a phone number from women than men who just observed the humor. In addition to the attraction to humor production, researchers believed this demonstrated the power of social proofing — the status of the humor-producer compared to the male confederate receivers of the humor.

Men Use Humor to Derogate Sexual Rivals

“Men taunt other men with clever nicknames and insults,” says John Morreal, a professor of religion at William and Mary College in Williamsburg, Virginia, who has studied humor for 25 years. “That isn’t something that women do. They don’t tend to play practical jokes or engage in humor that humiliates or puts somebody down.”

The primary difference is that males tend to use humor to compete with other men, while women tend to use humor to bond with others. Studies show that men more often use humor to jockey for position with other males when they are in the company of women.

Aggressive Humor by Women is a Threat

A woman who deploys a typically male sense of humor—one that’s aggressive or competitive—is a turnoff to men, says Don Nilsen, a linguistics professor at Arizona State University in Tempe and an expert on humor. Many men feel threatened, perceiving a funny woman as a rival or worrying that they’ll become a target of her sharp tongue. “I think every man in the world loves the humor, even the sexual put-down humor, of Judy Tenuta or Joan Rivers,” he says. “But very few men want to marry them.”

Funny Men Give More Orgasms

Orgasm is a female mate selection preference (psychological adaptation), and humor adds to the likelihood of female orgasm.

A study reported in Evolutionary Psychology looked at whether women whose partners have a great sense of humor also have more orgasms. (Previous studies have demonstrated how women with partners who have more symmetrical faces, are more attractive, richer, or who are more muscular experience more orgasms.)

Researchers found that a sense of humor was a good predictor of sexual pleasure. Women initiated more sex with men who have a great sense of humor and had more sex with them in general. Women with partners who had a great sense of humor enjoyed more orgasms and stronger ones as well.

Conclusion

Humor production by men is an effective courtship strategy, and women have a preference for humorous men in their mate selection. Humor appears to be a domain of behavior that evolved to demonstrate traits of male genetic fitness and increase sexual access. Funny how that works.

Note

*Bressler, E. R., Martin, R.A., & Balshine, W. (2006).  ‘Production and appreciation of humor as sexually selected traits.”  Evolution and Human Behavior, 27, 121-130.

References

Bressler, E. R., Martin, R.A., & Balshine, W. (2006).  “Production and appreciation of humor as sexually selected traits.”  Evolution and Human Behavior, 27, 121-130.

Gallup et al. “Do Orgasms Give Women Feedback About Mate Choice?” Evolutionary Psychology, December, 2014.

Geher, G. & Kaufman, S.K. (2013).  Mating Intelligence Unleashed.

Grammer, K., Eibl-Eibesfeldt, I. (1990). The Ritualisation of Laughter.

Gueguen, N. (2010). “Men’s sense of humor and women’s responses to courtship solicitations: An experimental field study.”  Psychological Reports, 107, 145-156.

 Hay, J. (2000). “Functions of humor in the conversations of men and women.”  Journal of Pragmatics, 32, 709-742.

Kaufman, S.B., Kozbelt, A., Bromley, M.L., & Miller, G.F. (2008).  “The role creativity and humor in human mate selection.”  In G. Geher & G. Miller (Eds.) Mating intelligence: sex, relationships, and the mind’s reproductive system.

Kotthoff, H. (2000). “Gender and joking: On the complexities of women’s image politics in humorous narratives.”  Journal of Pragmatics, 32, 55-80.

 Li, N. et al. (2009). “An evolutionary perspective on humor: Sexual selection or interest indication?”  Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 35, 923-936.

Max, T., & Miller, G., (2015). Mate: Become the Man Women Want.

Miller, G.  (2001). The Mating Mind: How Sexual Choice Shaped the Evolution of Human Nature.

Provine, R.R. (2000). Laughter: A Scientific Investigation.

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